Slow Dancing Through the Final Years

Personal growth occurs continually throughout our lifetime; moving to a new grade in school, graduating high school, college, leaving home, a first job, getting married, and having babies are all things we look forward to.  We want to grow up and be responsible adults. Caring for an aging parent is not one of the stages we plan or look forward to.  It wasn’t in our job description.

For some of us, it comes early in our lives.  I was only thirty-three when I started to protect and watch over my mother and her older companion.  It was an unexpected detour in the road for me. I was juggling gymnastics, dance lessons, little league, soccer practice, an interior design business, a husband, three dogs and aging parents.

In learning to dance, we have to hold up our heads, shoulders back, eyes straight ahead, and arms outstretched.  We hold onto our partner and follow the beat, bending, twisting and turning together.  The beauty of it all is that the longer you dance together, the more effortless it becomes.  It’s a joy just to hear the music in each other’s heart.  When one’s legs can no longer move, then the partner can effortlessly take over and lead the helpless partner to rest.

I write to let others know that there are enough hours in the day and night to do it all and accomplish all that you hope and dream in your lifetime.  Caring for an aging parent or a sick parent is not a dead end to your life.  You can be a martyr and give up all you wanted in life to care for them or you can manage your time and your stress level carefully.  You can do it all.  You can waste precious time feeling sorry for yourself or you can put all your daily chores on a list and feel success as you check each one off and move on to the next.

I have grown in unexpected ways in caring for my mother.  I learned that I could wear many hats at the same time.  I learned that I could be strong and sensitive at the same time.  I learned that when an aging parent is no longer productive, and isn’t capable of accomplishing anything, that we won’t lose respect for them.  We will naturally take over where they cannot manage.  I learned that I didn’t begrudge my life, but rather felt my life became fuller and I grew more resilient.