Return from the Darkness

It was a cool, clear September night, in the suburb of a large, mid-western city. In the dark silence of the very early morning, Bill Walker awoke, engulfed in a smothering, cold sweat. His muscles were weak and he felt like he had just run ten miles. His mind seemed to be running without his body. All that he sees is blackness, as his brain seems to be rewinding from a playback of something he can’t remember. He knows he's had “the dream” again. In a seemingly total contradiction, he knows he remembers the events in the dream, while the dream is in progress. But he remembers nothing when it’s over. He knows the contents of the dream are vivid, bigger than life images in his brain. Then everything goes blank as he starts to wake up. He fights to recall the events, but his mind refuses, causing his body to be racked by violent tremors and intense sweat. He is virtually sure, that whatever is tormenting the inner depths his subconscious mind, most certainly, actually happened. He is just as sure, he will never be able to bring it forward to his conscious mind and end these nocturnal aberrations. 

Bill has had the dream before, but not for many years. They had originally started when he returned from his Air Force tour in Japan in 1967. They had plagued him for years after that. As time passed, they became less frequent, but no less vivid.

By the 1980’s, the dreams were few and far between, only happening when he was very tired or had a little too much to drink. By the 1990’s, they had stopped completely. Now, for no apparent reason, many years after the last occurrence, they are coming back again. The apparitions tear open this black hole in his tortured mind. He doesn't know what they are, where they came from, or why they tormented him. He has begged his mind to let him remember and free him from the anguish they cause, but to no avail. When he has sat down and analyzed it, he thought that possibly, his mind was protecting him from something he really didn’t want know. The human mind does things like that sometimes.

Many nights when he was alone, he lay in bed, trying to logically explain the phenomenon. He would be afraid to go to sleep, because he knew the specter would come and attack his defenseless mind. He just wished he knew what was happening, so he could deal with it. He had considered seeing a psychiatrist, but feared what a doctor might do if he revealed his problem. He didn’t want to end up on a “funny farm.”

Bill had gone through this ordeal only two nights ago, when his girl friend, Sue, spent the night at his place. When she woke him, she was obviously frightened. She said he mumbled incoherently and thrashed around in the bed, acting like he was involved in something violent.  After he recovered, he calmed her down; assuring her it was just a bad dream like everyone has now and then. She accepted that, and everything was OK for now.

It was now almost daybreak, so Bill crawled out of bed and stumbled into the shower. Bill was a big man, 6 foot tall and 240 pounds. But “the dream” left him feeling like a helpless child.  The hot water of the shower always seemed to soothe his body and wash away the worst of the mind rending experience. He shaved and brushed his teeth, still feeling very tired and worn out. He dressed in his usual casual cloths, gathered up his brief case and walked to the garage. Slipping into the driver’s seat of his old Jeep, he took a deep breath, and started the engine. He opened the garage door with his remote, and backed into the driveway. Closing the door with the remote, he drove off to work.

Bill had been in the communications field all of his adult life and he was very good at what he did. So, at least he enjoyed his job, and that made the days tolerable, even fun sometimes. Today was a normal day at work, the usual problems, but nothing spectacular. Being able to successfully assist the technicians and customers in the field added a lot of satisfaction to his sometimes confusing life.

Bill wrapped up his last case around 4:45. After filing all his manuals and trashing all his used notes, he shut down his computers. Once he verified everything was in order, he grabbed his briefcase and headed for the exit. It was 5 PM sharp as he walked out the door. Bill strolled slowly out to his Jeep, digging his keys out of his pants pocket as he walked. He climbed into the driver’s seat, closing the door behind him. Snapping his seat belt into place, he started the engine. As he pulled out of the parking lot, he decided to stop at the neighborhood bar for a cold beer, as he frequently did. Being from a German family, he had drank beer most of his life. He could consume quite a bit without getting really drunk. He did find that the alcohol and idle chitchat with the other patrons, made life a little more tolerable. He also knew not to drink too much. He knew if he had too many, he could count on having one of those dreams tonight. So, he had enough to relax, but was careful not to overdue it.