When God Says No, Let the Man Go!

There I sat, Jade Brooks, a 16-year-old bundle of hormones on a hard, wooden church pew, trying to find a comfortable position and to understand all the mixed emotions I suddenly felt regarding the male gender. So, as you can imagine, I was in a state of pain and confusion while sitting and listening to Pastor Thomas Howard. Although my mind was already going in two different directions, I could hear him yelling over that wide-wooden pulpit with his loud raspy voice saying, "Thou shall not fornicate" and "Be not unequally yoked together with unbelievers." It was if he was talking directly to me, since this was the time in my life that I really started taking interest in the opposite sex. You see, my parents had instilled the fear of God in me so deeply that I would go to bed at night praying, "Oh God, please don't let me die in my sleep," just because I had a bad thought. Then I'd lie there for about another hour fighting sleep because of the fear I had of waking up in hell. When I look back on the fear, I realize that, to a certain extent, I had adapted the wrong type of Godly fear. I know that Mom and Dad loved me and that they were only teaching me what they had been taught - so it was all-good.

It was a hot Sunday morning in the middle of July and there I was, all dressed up in my knee-length black polyester skirt, long-sleeve cotton shirt, white tights, and black pumps - back when we couldn't even wear our heels and toes out. We were told that exposing them might cause the brothers to lust. I always wondered about that - I could not imagine how a woman's toes and heels, with corns, calluses, and bunions could cause a man to want to take her to bed. My first thought would be a podiatrist. Well anyway, I'm sitting there, all mixed up on the inside and portraying an innocent, sanctified product of the Pentecost church on the outside. No, I had not had a sexual relationship with anyone at that time, and was not interested in opening that door. I always knew that I wanted to save myself for my husband - the way the Bible instructs us to. I can remember watching one particular married couple in my church. They always seemed so happy - as if they had no concerns at all. The smiles on their faces and the way they gazed into each other's eyes, gave me so much hope for my future relationship with a saved man. I even remember watching them pray and worship together, while thinking to myself, " When I grow up I want to marry someone who loves God and loves me just like that." Somehow I believed that God would just place this righteous man in my life and it would be peaches and cream - like those fairytales that begin with Once Upon A Time and end with And They Lived Happily Ever after.  This was just one of the day dreams I had while sitting on that hard-wooden pew week after week until I was old enough to get a taste of reality.

The time had arrived that I was ready to start dating. I knew I was ready because those same big-eared, buckteeth, skinny boys that use to get on my nerves, no longer annoyed me. As a matter of fact, now those ears were kind of cute, attached to those handsome faces and nice slender bodies. Everything was starting to look different. Yes, I was ready to date, but I did not forget Pastor Howard's words, "Be not unequally yoked together with unbelievers" - they had a way of haunting me. I held on to those words as I began dating a "so-called" saved young man named Nolan.

Nolan took me out on my first date. He stood about six feet tall with hazel eyes, pretty white teeth, smooth-golden brown skin, and a voice so deep and soft that the sound of it caused me to melt. Oh yea, he too was raised in the church and proclaimed salvation. I was so excited about this date that I had butterflies in my stomach from Sunday - the day he asked me out - until that following Friday - the actual day of the date. I spent the whole week asking myself, "How is this date going to go? Will he kiss me?" I even fantasized about our future together as husband and wife. I had it bad!

Friday finally arrived and about seven o'clock that evening the doorbell rang. My nerves were so bad that they tricked my body into believing that I had taken a laxative. I ran to the bathroom, and after cleansing my system, I took a deep breath and went downstairs to the living room where Nolan was waiting. When I saw him sitting there, I thought to myself, " Thank you Lord for giving me just what I wanted - a fine man who not only looks good, but is also saved." I had hit the jackpot! When I walked into the living room Nolan stood up, took a good look at me, and then, with a look of sheer delight on his face, he told me how nice I looked and I returned the compliment.

Nolan and I finally left the house to begin our date. I didn't know where he was taking me - he wanted it to be a surprise. After driving about 15 minutes, we pulled up in front of a movie theatre.  I was kind of uncomfortable because we were taught not to go to the movie theater, but on the other hand, I was too excited about being with Nolan to say anything negative. And furthermore, he was saved and attended the same church that I attended so why worry about something that I didn't totally agree with anyway. Nolan took me to see the move Endless Love - a story about a 16-year-old girl who falls in love with a boy and experiences sex for the first time. It wasn't until later that night in Nolan's car, when he not only tried to kiss me, but also tried to put his hand up my skirt, that I realized the connection between the teenagers in the movie and the two of us. But there was one problem; Nolan must have forgotten that we both were supposed to be saved, unlike the couple in the movie. Right away, the fear of God that Mom and Dad had instilled in me resurfaced. I immediately became defensive and told Nolan that he was out of line, and if he didn't stop I would end the date. Well, my reaction obviously offended him because he took me home right after that. The next morning Nolan called me and apologized for his actions. We talked about what happened and decided to continue going out, but under new ground rules that I set. I told Nolan I would only go out with him if he agreed not to try kissing or touching me in an ungodly way. He honored my wishes and we continued dating until Nolan shifted his attention to Lauren - an 18-year-old girl who also attended my church. She was an attractive, fair-skinned girl with pretty black hair, who was a little more developed than I was at the time.