Sunsets Don't Wait

She sensed the hug was too long.  It wasn’t like Clint.  She tried to push him away as she asked, “Is something wrong?  Is Cody okay?”

“Cody is fine,” he said as he moved his face against the pillow to wipe away the tears.  “Susan, I love you.”

“I know something is wrong.  What is it?”

“We’ve got to talk.  I want you to understand what I’m about to say may seem selfish, but if it does, so be it.”

“What is it Clint?”

“You’ve had longer to think about this than I have and I don’t fault you for the decision you have made, but.”

“What decision are you talking about?”

“I don’t know how to talk about this with all this fear and hurt inside.”

“Sweetheart, I’ve never seen you like this before.  Please tell me what you are talking about.”

“Susan, I had a long talk this morning with Dr. Ray.”

Susan tried to pull away from his arms.  “He shouldn’t have talked to you.  He promised.”

“Don’t blame him.  He did it out of concern for you.  He did the right thing.  What you’ve got to do is change your mind about the treatments.”

“I will not.”

“Susan, I’ve never asked you for much, but this I ask with all my heart.  You must have the treatments.”

“I’ve never asked you for much either, and this is something I don’t have to ask.  It’s my life.”

“No, it’s not.  You are my life, too.  I know I haven’t been the perfect husband.  I have often taken you for granted.  I can’t even count the days I failed to tell you I love you.  It’s bad it has taken something like this to make me realize how much you mean to me.”

“Oh, darling, it would have been nice to hear the ‘I love you’, but never a day passed I didn’t know in my heart you loved me.  You have made my life complete in so many ways, but the fact is my life is almost over and you’ve given me more than a lifetime of happiness.  No one could have done more.  I couldn’t have asked for more.”

“What about me?  Can’t I ask for more?”

“Please try to understand, this is the way I want it.  I will not let you and Cody see me suffer and be destroyed bit by bit, treatment by treatment.  I want you and Cody to remember me as close as I am to the way God made me, not the way the treatments will make me.”

“I can’t let you do this.”

“You have no choice.”

“But without the treatments, you will--”

“Die?”

“Yes.”

“I’ll die anyway.”

“How can you be so calm about it?”