Etiquette for the Average Joe
by
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We’ve all received messages on our answering machines from people who had no concept of the phrase "getting to the point." They ramble on and on and call back when your machine finally cuts them off. Ten messages later, and they are still working on the same sentence. Unless it’s an emergency, try to be brief and precise when leaving a message. It’s rare that you’ll ever need more than a minute to say everything that needs to be said.
The same holds true for outgoing messages, which some individuals turn into their own musical production. Unfortunately, most of America works for a living, and we don’t have time for your one-man show. Similarly, a rap song may be cute for you and your friends, but it doesn’t make a great impression on a potential employer calling to set up an interview. If you want music in the background, keep it low so it does not drown out your voice. May I suggest music without lyrics? Also, if you have children, wait until they have a grasp of the English language before they become the family spokesperson.
For those who would like to avoid the long, drawn-out phone message, try pushing the # key, which will usually send you straight to the beep, allowing you to leave your message posthaste. Let the world of telecommunications work for you, and your voice will be heard.
Sharing a bathroom at work is like entering the gates of hell – every day. Adults, accustomed to privacy in the privy, find themselves sharing space (and, unfortunately, more) with their work colleagues. If there was ever a place to know proper etiquette, this is definitely it.
Wash your hands. Dan, a guy I used to work with, would get in and out without going anywhere near the sink. He would exit, and then greet others with a firm handshake. When I confronted him, he said, "It’s not like I spilled any," so I broke it down, informing him that everything we eat turns to waste; when waste leaves the body, it contains bacteria, which, in turn, is easily transmitted by hand. Without getting into the details of Typhoid fever or a nasty staph infection, I told Dan it would be healthier for everyone if he washed his hands with soap and water. He finally came around, but others have not, so I strongly recommend using a hand towel to open the door, allowing you to avoid contact with the doorknob, a Club Med for bacteria. Put the hand towel on the doorknob, hold the door open with your foot, turn around and toss the germy towel into the trash bin. Voila – you’re germ-free.
Other tips: Any bathroom is better when air freshener is involved; spray away. Use a disposable seat cover when available, and don’t be afraid to bring a magazine so you can turn that down time into quality time, and don’t forget the courtesy flush if you’ll be unduly long with your toilet time.
Bathroom behavior goes beyond proper etiquette because it deals with public health. Do your part by washing and flushing as often as you can. We’ll all thank you for that.
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About the Book
Do you favor using your fingers instead of a fork? Do you use restaurant coupons on a first date? Are women failing to call you back? Is your idea of "cleaning house" hiding everything under your bed? Has the mold in your bathroom reached the point where your little yellow ducky is sporting a beard? If you answered "yes" to any of these questions, it’s time to bring etiquette into your life. Perhaps you’re a guy who can build a house, run a company and shoot three under par, but if you finish everything on your plate before your wife sits down to eat, you need this book. If you’re a woman who wants your man to hold a door open rather than constantly letting it slam in your face, look no further. Until now, there hasn’t really been anyone to teach the "Average Joe" the basics of proper etiquette, but now there is...and his name is Martin Stuart. In a world of etiquette dominated by women, Martin Stuart has paved a new road, one that both men and women can travel down with ease.
About the Author
It all started on the Tube in London, England. Martin Stuart, a young, educated American visiting the UK for the first time, met a woman who would eventually change his life. Change came in the form of learning to eat with a fork and knife, chewing with his mouth closed and opening car doors for his ladylove. Had he not met this woman, his pad would still be furnished with beanbags, and the term "Hoover" would only be used when referring to past presidents. When he returned from London, Martin began to observe bad manners on a daily basis, especially from friends who just didn’t know any better. Martin took action. Through reading and research and everyday life, Martin wrote Etiquette for the Average Joe, the first book about etiquette to which every guy can relate. With the second volume to be released later this year, it’s clear to see that Martin is not a one-book wonder. Since being introduced to the world of proper etiquette, Martin Stuart has not looked back since. He lives and breathes proper etiquette, but, more importantly, his real goal is to help others who are in need.
Ron Therien - Cartoonist
Ron Therien was born in 1968 in Ottawa, Canada, where he currently lives with his wife, Tracy, and three-year-old daughter, Haley. After completing high school, Therien attended The Ottawa School of Commerce, where he studied pen and ink, life drawing, still life and graphic arts. In the early 90s, he continued his studies in Graphic Design at Ottawa's Algonquin College.
Over the years, Therien's cartoons have appeared in numerous publications throughout the world, through freelancing, syndication and Cartoon Stock, a cartoon library. His past features include Oddly Enough (Miller Features Syndicate), Mixed Nuts (Tribune Media's Comic's Edge) and Just Business (At Large Features Syndicate), and he is currently writing a business gag cartoon with political cartoonist Wes Rand, slated for syndication early spring 2003 by Artizans Syndicate.
Aside from cartooning, Therien is also an accomplished illustrator and is currently a cover illustrator/designer for Dead End Street Publications. You can find Therien's gag cartoons available in e-book form at cartoonebooks.com.