Fearless Fry Cooks of Zod
by
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Maybe it was the cholesterol rich animal lard we fried the frenchies in. Maybe it was the thirty-five percent fat content in our burgers. Maybe it was replacing robots with zit-faced kids.I don't know...I did know we were a hit, a big hit. I did know the mouth watering allure of nostalgic culinary elements, circa 1968. The old methods of preparation were sweeping the known galaxy. Clearly, the human ingredient in food preparation helped return the taste of a bygone era. I marveled at the salivating smiles... Indeed, a lost art.
And it was all my idea...Kurt Kruss, fast food entrepreneur. The vision came on what would be my last day with the Company. They sent us to the Midwest, to one of the few remaining farms on the outskirts of Great Bend, Kansas. There were reports of kids digging up part of an arch, a giant, dirt encrusted golden arch. Agent Steel and I hovered our rusting rental car over huge, filthy loops. After a cursory examination, we glided to a touchdown. Robot excavators were hard at work. They carefully scraped layers of soil and sediment from the structure. I'd hoped for something exciting; perhaps remains of an alien incursion, possibly a rebel weapon of mass destruction. I researched all possibilities. I prayed for such. Unpleasant as I was, I wanted a fight! My hopes were high! My hopes were dashed-- The arches were attached to a small, crude antique building. Agent Steel laughed, "Ha...one of the old fast food dives. The last one went out of business, what...one-hundred years ago?" Steel wasn't really looking for my input. He knew I didn't give a damn about such unrefined antiquity. But the arches? I grasped for a more sinister explanation. Possibly an alien communication antenna, maybe the rumored militia time machine we'd heard so much about. Now--that would have nabbed me employee of the month. No. Dejected, I knew Steel was right. "Fast food! Damn! Well...I guess we can rule out alien invasion or rebel time machine, 'eh Steel?" Steel wasn't listening. Taking a deep, wistful breath, he looked longingly on the surrounding grazing lands. "Kruss, there ain't much of this soil left." Agent Gordon Steel stuck his nose to the air, sniffing deeply. He was delighted, then pointed to a congregation of cattle grazing beyond the barbed fence. Steel shouted, "Smell it!" "I smell it alright." Personally, I didn't care much for the old ways, loathed ancient farmlands and traditions. I could’ve cared less when the last square mile of Jersey was paved over. An improvement. The Company was my love, my life, and the essence of my existence. Securing a proper political climate for Earth's expansion to the stars was the Company's business. Covert intelligence against Aliens masquerading as friends was my specialty. Sometimes I was wrong, sometimes I was right. Hey, nobody's perfect. Lighten up. I felt something repulsive under my shoe, then proceeded to scrape off an errant cow chip on a nearby rock. I ran my fingers through thinning red hair, took a labored breath and wondered...Is this what my life has come to...scraping cow chips off my shoe? When this assignment is over, what will I go home to...a dingy Washington apartment? A Saturday night date with "Beverly Hillbillies" reruns?
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About the Book
Part I: THE VISION (As told by the great Kurt Kruss) "Maybe it was the cholesterol rich animal lard we fried the frenchies in. Maybe it was the 35% fat content in our burgers. Maybe it was replacing robots with zit-faced kids. I don’t know--but Kruss Burgers was a hit!" Early in the 22nd century, we meet burnt out, despondent government agent Kurt Kruss. He’s trudging through life, no purpose, no future. A mysterious golden arch is unearthed. Kruss investigates. The work of subversives? Aliens? No. It’s a McDonalds. During excavation, a magical time capsule is discovered. Salvaged by Kruss’ faithful partner, Agent Steel, the capsule glows in multi-colored auras. During dinner, it places the agents in a trance; it gives forth a wondrous ancient meal: burgers, fries and shakes. "Still good eatin'. No certified government slop tonight! Oh, glorious fat!" Through the magic capsule, a vision is bestowed, a sacred trust revealed. Kurt Kruss is empowered to protect human kind, to protect "Earth’s Seed" from all manner of ghastly invader. His cover: Fry Cook in the rewarding fast food industry. Kruss’ life now has a marvelous purpose. He and Steel resign from the Agency. Eyebrows are raised. Kruss Burgers and The Fearless Fry Cooks are born! The old traditions of greasy, cholesterol-sopped fast food are a hit. The enthusiasm for "the old ways of food preparation" sweeps the planet. Assorted Fry Cooks are hired. Many are misfits or over the hill discards. Yet, fighting crime is their true sacred mission. "Protect the Seed at all costs! Hail the Fearless Fry Cooks!" Soon, Kurt Kruss falls in love with the gorgeous Carolyn, former TV Gladiator and Nuclear Physicist. But will Carolyn ever truly love a Fry Cook? Will lonely hearts survive a mad society of government attacks on their unhealthy culinary commerce? Alas, it’s inevitable--to protect human kind, Kruss Burgers takes to the cosmos. Destination: the scorched planet of ZOD--last outpost for fat soaked grub. "Smell us, and you will come--" Part II: THE ASSIGNMENT Earthlings are looked on as weak, ripe for the taking. Fry Cook covert (but civilized) crime fighting techniques must change. "No more ‘Mr. Nice Guy!’" The new rule: "A first warning with a smile--a second with a frown--a third, and take them down!" Earthlings must now convey an aura as tough SOBs. One day, as Kruss is working as a "Jolly Janitor," a familiar punk walks into Zod’s Burger store. He violently takes a hostage, demanding all moneys from Zod’s famous two-mile service counter. A crack team of security Fry Cooks blows the punk away. Who is this punk? You know him, you love him. A plot to conquer Earth by a mantis race from planet Vargas is uncovered. "The Horror--" Part III: WAR A Fearless Fry Cook Military machine prepares for war. The Fry Cook fleet enters hyperspace for the long trip to Vargas. A terrifying army of clones waits. The battle is viscous and bizarre. The clone DNA must be destroyed to save the universe. "Charge ahead, chums! Charge me hearties!" The lovely Carolyn leads her Burrito Battalion into battle. Will Kruss loose her forever? Will she survive the wrath of the Vargan horde? Kurt Kruss inevitably meets the Vargan imperial leader, a monstrous mantis with human body parts cloned to its insect body. Revolting. A battle to the death ensues. Will the cosmos be saved from the insanity of the evil Vargan horde? Well, as Kurt Kruss says, "We’re fearless, and we’re Fry Cooks!" Will Kurt Kruss marry Carolyn, his only source of true happiness? What really happened to Elvis? Fearless Fry Cooks of Zod exposes the truth. HONOR--GLORY--SUSTENANCE!
About the Author
James Vergara grew up a military brat. He was born in Germany, and spent his formative years in Scotland, Bermuda, Colorado, Delaware and finally, California. He reveals, "Growing up around the world is a great experience, but you don’t realize it when you’re a kid." Mr. Vergara graduated from Fresno State University with a degree in Radio/Television/Film production and writing (Magna Cum Laude). While at Fresno State, he won the National Honorary Broadcast Society’s student film awards two years in a row: Comedy in ’79 for Attack of the Crud Creature and Drama in ’80 for Crowded Mind. "They were different, thus, got noticed." Mr. Vergara has fostered a career in broadcast television and video for twenty years, working as a director, editor, news writer, supervisor and instructor. He enjoys making commercials most, presently as the Media Production Coordinator for San Joaquin Delta College’s TV Studio (California). "Commercials are like making short films. It’s a challenge to squeeze something relevant into thirty seconds and make it interesting." In fact, Mr. Vergara has won 4 Telly awards for his commercials and videos from 1999 to 2001. "A fluke, or--I’m finally getting noticed!" Writing has been a hobby of Mr. Vergara’s since his college years. He started with short stories. Fearless Fry Cooks of Zod is his first novel. "Fry Cooks is strange, but I like strange and wacky. Regardless, if you’re not careful, it still has a few things to say." Mr. Vergara hopes to start his own video production company in the near future, specializing in broadcast commercials, industrial videos, and all manner of modern video distribution, including conversions of finished video products to formats suitable for Internet distribution. "Lets face it, the Internet is the next TV, especially after it acquires more bandwidth." A parting shot from Mr. Vergara, "Read Fearless Fry Cooks of Zod. You must be ‘Re-educated’ to survive the future."