Journey Next

Yet Celie knew that Alex meant to have his way. She didn't need to peer into his eyes to gauge the degree of intent behind his badgering. Alex's demands were launched with uncharacteristic stubbornness, devoid of his normal willingness to compromise. It was foreign to Alex's nature to be as pushy and demanding as he’d been in the past hour. The tenor of this interrogation had the mark of his younger brother Clay. Realizing that Clay had coached Alex for this showdown made the corners of Celie’s droopy mouth lift, but she kept the smile inside and away from Alex's viewing. The truth would be easier told to Clay. Of the three brothers, Clay was the one Celie expected to be receptive to the truth as she planned to tell it. Clay would rightly assume that the old one would tell all she knew. Others might use love as an excuse to shine the truth up a bit--make it sleeker and cleaner than it actually was. Celie would not do that.

"You knew this day would come. You can’t tell me you’re surprised." Alex wasn't accusing or challenging Celie, but simply stating a fact. He was ready to rest his case now.

"I always expected it would be Clay who came to me. He’s the one most likely to take it in." Celie realized too late the stinging power of her words. She looked at Alex, but his eyes revealed nothing.

"I’m the oldest . . . . . . And even Clay agreed it should be me. But if you want Clay here, I’ll understand. We can get him." Alex’s tone was matter-of-fact. He would spare Celie any knowledge of his bruised feelings.

"I don’t love Clay more. I wish you’d believe that, Alex." This ability to say whatever was on her mind and get away with it was a luxury that came with age. Even though Celie had always spoken her mind, she found that now, with nearly nine decades behind her, people were far more forgiving than in years past.

"Ahh, Celie, you love us all differently. I know that. If you could be honest, though, you'd admit that Clay’s your favorite. You think he’s the smartest and you admire that." This time Alex's tone challenged Celie to deny if she dared.

Celie shook her head and reached for Alex’s hand. "You’re wrong, child. I’m not drawn to Clay because he’s smarter than you or Ben. He’s not. Not one bit. I just know that Clay doesn’t fit in this world much better than I ever have. I recognize a kindred spirit and I fret about him. There are so many escape routes out there in the world that weren’t around to tempt me when I was young. I worry that Clay will do himself in before he has a chance to try his hand at living."

"Was Mom like Clay?"

Alex's voice and manner suggested nonchalance, but Celie knew better. She scrutinized him openly, wondering what kind of answer he wanted. Did he want to hear that Randi was exactly like him? Or perhaps Alex wanted to be told that he was Mom's favorite. It didn't matter. Celie would tell Alex only what she knew to be true, not what he wanted to hear.

"Randi was always seeking out the truth when she was young. But the truth wore her down, Alex. The truth. We have to talk about what truth is, child, before I start in telling you what I know." Celie leaned forward, pulled the afghan from the back of her chair and threw it over her lap. She expected to be sitting in one spot for quite a spell.

"What do you mean? The truth is the truth. And I want all of it--all the bits and pieces we’ve overheard through the years. . . . . . . . Clay thinks you believe in ghosts. That's not so, is it, Celie?"

"We'll get to that in good time. You may not know it yet, Alex, but truth can sometimes be wavy. Doesn’t necessarily come at you in straight, easy-to-see and follow lines. It’s subject to interpretation. Take me. I’m ready to tell you the truth as I lived it and observed it. As sincere and truthful as I'm gonna try to be, my version is bound to differ a little from Mattie’s. But that won’t make either one of us liars. It’ll just mean that there’s a part of my version that Mattie had to reject. Her mind wouldn’t take it in and so Mattie doesn’t have certain details that I plan to tell you. Could be that I don’t have any business doing that. But I look at it as a judgment call. I don’t believe I’m senile, so you’re going to get the full deal. If you’re sure you want it, that is?"

"I want it, Celie." Alex spoke softly now, sensing Celie's acceptance of the inevitable.

"Then go ahead and set that thing up and make sure it’s working. I only want to tell this once."

Celie patiently waited for Alex’s signal that the equipment was recording her every movement and sound. She heard his plea to try and forget the camera was rolling. Did Alex think that vanity, at her age, would hinder the telling?

"There’s a couple of things here at the start that won’t make much sense to you boys until after the whole of the story is told. After hearing it all, you may decide that I’m not a reliable source--that I suffer dementia. Won’t hurt my feelings any."

"It's not so much that I believe in ghosts, Alex. It's more that I know we don't die. Souls are forever. We go on journey after journey--partly for the sheer adventure of it. But, mostly, I think we're supposed to be learning as we go. Maybe if we get to be better at being human, our souls outgrow the earth and we move on to other realities. I don't have it all figured out yet."

Alex tried to hide his impatience. "Celie, I'm afraid you're going to wear yourself out before you get to the facts."

"Facts. Here's a fact for you, Alex. Randi told me all about meeting with her guides on the other side. Was part of her dying process. Seems most people aren't aware of it here on this side, but Randi was. As am I. It's called the Journey Next Stage and it's about remembering, reviewing, and most of all, forgiving. If it's done right, we're supposed to be able to plan the next life better."

"Celie, what 're you talking about? Reincarnation?" Alex held out little hope that he would successfully steer Celie in the right direction.

"I'm saying I know things because my Fred tells me. He's supposed to be dead, but he’s helping me along just like he always did in life. He's no more dead than I am and that's a fact whether you want to believe it or not." Celie paused and waited for Alex to decide whether or not he wanted her to continue.

"Maybe I'll keep quiet and let you talk. There'll be time for questions later." Alex leaned back and put his feet up. He didn't want to annoy Celie and risk her shutting down completely.