Whatever Happened to Mother?
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Some people think that if children were cared for by their mothers the way they were a long, long time ago, they would not want to grow up. They would remain attached to their mothers forever. Maybe they believe this because to them having such a mother would be so nice that they think no one in their right mind would ever be willing to give up such a good thing. What these people don't seem to know is that having a mother like that, the way nature intended, is the only way you really can grow up. You see, if you have had a real mother, you don't need one as you get older. You can go on to the next step of becoming a responsible, grown-up person like your mother, someone, who because they were cared for, finds it natural to be caring of others.
I think that people who believe that having a mother who is always there for you is a bad thing never had such a mother. And I also believe that they don't want anyone else to have such a mother because they didn't. I also know that when people left the world of nature they lost something. A lot of people would agree with me on that one, but they would say that what we lost was paradise. But they're wrong. What we lost was mother and our belief in natural human growth through mothering.
One thing we can really be sure of is that once people began to become civilized, they began to see babies and children in very strange ways-a lot like they saw the sheep, pigs, and cows that they raised. It seems that children came to be thought of as naturally bad, and people began to believe that they wouldn't grow up right if you were nice to them. I guess that is where such sayings come from like, 'Spare the rod and spoil the child,' or ideas like, picking up a baby whenever it cries will spoil it. Even stranger to me, is why people began to replace mothers with wet-nurses, nannies, governesses, and formula or milk in bottles with rubber nipples. I guess they thought there was something wrong with natural mothering. Maybe, though, they knew what they were doing. They could have figured out that being nice to babies and children would make it hard for them, when they grew up, to live in the cruel, uncaring world that humans made after they left the world of nature. And maybe they also knew that women really liked breast-feeding and taking care of their babies and would get so involved in doing it that they wouldn't have time to wash the dishes or clean the house or even want to be with their husbands very much.
But I know one thing for sure. I wish I had a mother who took care of me the way mothers did a long, long time ago. Don't you? When I think of it, it makes me feel like I do when I hear the song 'Where Have All The Flowers Gone?'-sort of sad and lonely. It makes me wonder 'Where have all the mothers gone?'
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About the Book
Whatever Happened to Mother? traces the loss in human history of the biological nurturing mother that all children expect to have (in terms of their genetic inheritance) at birth. The book challenges the wisdom underlying contemporary infant care and child rearing by addressing such questions as:
Are our conventional infant care and child rearing practices detrimental to children's development?
Why do so many mothers no longer, or only minimally, mother their children?
Why do we believe that nurturing children will spoil them?
Why has bottle-feeding replaced nursing as the major way of feeding infants?
Why has the abuse of children been tolerated throughout centuries of civilization?
Why does our society have so many emotionally and socially deviant individuals?
The book is written in a narrative style in simple language, which makes it suitable for older children as well as adults. Underlying the story it tells is Dr. Kimmel's sound knowledge of child development, anthropology, the history of childcare, and the difficulties mothers (and fathers) today face in caring for their children. His message is an invitation to readers to question their own, and our societal, parental practices.
'A wonderfully fresh perspective on the issue of mothering in contemporary society. Everyone should read it.'
-Elliott Barker, M.D., Director, The Canadian Society for the Prevention of Cruelty to Children.
'Dr. Kimmel sheds some new light on the components of a healthy mother-child relationship, in a book that is easy to read, yet packed with sound theory and rationale.'
-Exerpt fron a book review. Reprinted with permission from the Nuturing Parent (November 1993 issue) -- An international newsletter supporting attachment-continuum parenting. P.O. Box 6191, Bismarck, ND 58506.
'There is a rare book about families that I can agree with 100% and this one is it!'
-Jeannine Parvati Baker in an excerpt from a book review. Reprinted with permission from the Pre and Perinatal Psychology Journal, Spring, 1995. Reviewed by Jeannine Parvati Baker, author of Prenatal Yoga & Natural Birth, Hygieia: A Woman's Herbal and, with Frederick Baker, Conscious Conception: Elemental Journey Through The Labyrinth Of Sexuality.
'Kimmel's easy to read style, simple language and uncomplicated presentation makes this a book that could be read not only by parents, but by growing teenagers. He touches on thoughts and ideas that many nurturing parents have, but seldom see in print.'
-Marnie Ko, Editor and Publisher, Nurturing Magazine
About the Author
James Kimmel has been a psychologist, a poet, a sculptor and a toy designer. He received his Ph.D. in psychology from New York University in 1958. He has had extensive experience working with children and parents as a psychotherapist and as the director of a school and clinic for emotionally disturbed children.
He presently migrates between Arizona, Nevada and New York where his three children and six grandchildren are scattered.
This book is the first in a series devoted to the prevention of emotional disturbance in children.