Is there a golf nut in your family? If so, don't look any further for presents this year. This nutty novel is just the gift for him on his next birthday, if somebody doesn't brain him with a putter first.
In Old Golfers Never Die, Inc. two wacky golf promoters (Yitzhak 'Itchy' F. Suzuki and Gervais ffrench-ffoukes) and one television evangelist (the Reverend Eustace Muddlestone) undertake to develop golf into what it obviously was always meant to be -- a secular religion. The culmination of their dream is the creation of an awesome Global Inter-Faith Center of World Golf at Shoreham, Long Island, New York, on the premises of an abandoned nuclear power plant.
The star attraction is to be the embalmed body of Casey Flynn, the greatest golfer who ever lived. Flynn is struck dead by lightning just as he is about to win the U.S. Open -- his sixteenth major world title. Itchy and Gervais have a contract with the champ to exhibit his preserved body in a heroic golfing pose. But Okada, a billionaire Japanese golf club tycoon and super-boss of one thousand Japanese gangsters, has hatched a sinister plot to hijack Flynn, plus twelve other deceased American golf champions, and smuggle them out to Japan.
In a climactic final scene at New York's Kennedy Airport, Itchy, Gervais and Muddlestone confront Okada in a showdown for possession of America's departed golfing greats.