Handmaid of the Lord:
Prayers for Newly Single Christian Mothers
by
Book Cover & Preview Text
(excerpt from Forward)
A divorced Christian. Not too long ago such a statement would have been a contradiction in terms. When one is married in a Christian ceremony, in the sight of God by a representative of God, one's Christian marriage is believed to have the presence of Christ as an integral part of the marriage. Having Christ as a third partner, if you will, in the marriage insulates the union from the demands of the secular world which are blamed for destroying marriages. 'What God has joined, man must not tear apart,' are words typically pronounced over the husband and wife at the wedding ceremony. A Christian marriage vow is 'till death us do part.'
Recent years have proven otherwise. Statistics compiled by Barna Research Group out of California for a book entitled The Future of the American Family (Moody Press, 1993) illustrate that accepting Christianity does not protect an individual or family from divorce. Indeed, the incidence of divorce is slightly higher for Christians versus non-Christians (27% of Christians have experienced divorce as compared to 23% of non-Christians). Furthermore, in a subsequent, even deeper analysis of the data which was requested by several well-known Christian leaders, Barna Research looked at the ages at which the people in the study accepted Christ, to ascertain if this higher than average divorce rate among Christians could be attributed to one's acceptance of Christianity after divorce.
Sadly, the research which compared 3142 randomly selected adults against 1220 born again Christians showed again that accepting Christ in one's life does not influence the incidence of divorce. Indeed, 87% of the divorced Christians interviewed admitted to entering into divorce after they had become Christians.
I present these facts, in an effort to illustrate that even those who journey in the Christian faith are not immune to divorce. For both Christians and non Christians there are as many reasons for divorce as there are divorces. However, for Christians, there is only type of marriage; two people living their lives in a married union in the way that God intended, and therefore only one reason for divorce: the failure of the marriage to live up to this expectation.
Very early in my marriage I came to the realization that my marriage was not a marriage as God intended marriage to be. I would never have, however, sought a divorce. I compared my marriage to other marriages which I thought were in worse shape than mine so as to make mine appear better in my eyes. Although my marriage had been an eleven year struggle, I emotionally resisted divorce as the answer long after my former husband filed the papers and it was declared final. My Roman Catholic upbringing, seeing my parents work out the stresses of their own marriage which is now in its 48th year and the promise I made on my wedding day of 'till death us do part,' all converged upon me with a message that was clear, direct and implicit in its content: marriage is forever, divorce is a sin, we should be able to work out our marital problems, and if we couldn't, I should find a way to cope with the aftermath resulting from my poor choice of a life partner.
In the end, the decision wasn't mine to make. After very brief marriage counseling my former husband filed for divorce and 10 months later it was granted.
Forgiveness
Dear Lord:
The divorce papers are signed and everything is finalized. I'm something I never thought I would ever be: a single mother.
While I was moving towards the completion of my marriage, there were so many details to take care of, so many things that had to get done, it was just easier not to dwell on how I would feel when the divorce was final. Now that it is final, reality is setting in and with it, the feelings of bitterness towards my former husband have intensified.
When I married him, I thought our marriage would last forever. His idea of marriage is not the same as mine. Instead of loving him for a lifetime, I don't feel I can ever forgive him for destroying our marriage, splitting apart our family and devastating the children.
You are a forgiving God, forgiveness is Your way. I know You want me to forgive him and are calling me to do so, but I'm not ready to forgive him yet. Forgiveness doesn't come as easy for me as it does for You.
Please change my heart. Remove the bitterness within it and help me make room for forgiveness. Help me forgive him, my former husband, all the wrongs he has committed against me, our marriage and the children.
Forgive me as well, for I'm sure in Your eyes, I am not totally blameless for the breakup of our marriage.
Help me forgive myself so that I can move on with my life as You now ask me to live it, caring for my children with a heart filled not with bitterness towards their father, but with forgiveness.
Thank You.
Amen
(63 pages)
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About the Book
Finally, a book that nourishes the spirituality of the Christian single mother, particularly those newly singled by divorce. The prayers of this book will put words to the longings of your heart as you follow your own journey that starts out as why me and progresses to yes Lord!
Beautifully illustrated, prayers for yourself, your children, even your ex-husband are included. Prayers for your work, childrearing and the grace of sensitivity to the needs of others round out the prayers of Handmaid of the Lord: Prayers for Newly Single Christian Mothers. Whether you read this book for yourself or a single mother to whom you are close, Handmaid shows all who read it how God's sovereign plan for each of us is fulfilled in all our lives.
About the Author
Marylou Morano Kjelle is a freelance writer who writes for several Middlesex County, N.J. publications. She writes extensively on areas of interest to single mothers and their children. Her first children's book about living in a single parent family entitled Sometimes I Wish My Mom Was Two People, won acclaim from educators throughout New Jersey.