Black and Blue:

The Color of Love

by Autumn Toth



Book Details

Language : English
Publication Date : 10/02/2000

Format : Softcover
Dimensions : 5x8
Page Count : 148
ISBN : 9781585008414

About the Book

Black and Blue: The Color of Love? you ask yourself. 'How do these colors relate to love?'
For many these are the only colors of love they know. These are the colors of the wounds left from a battleground where the only expression of love is through a fist of abusive words. They are symbolic of a life of violence, darkening the soul and discoloring the flesh.

Louise, a college student at Cal. State San Bernadino, worked two jobs, but always found time to participate in a few extra curricular activities. Where men were concerned, she had a history of falling for the 'underdog' -- usually handsome men, but were coined 'losers.' But, she was always able to see the kindness in their hearts under the masks they wore, and 'Save Me' signs on their foreheads. Underneath the tough exterior Louise presented to the world, all she longed for was to be loved, accepted and needed by someone special. She used whatever she could get her hands on as a means to fill her emptiness.

Larry was no exception, but in the end, it was Louise who needed to be saved. She encountered him in a bar late one evening in December 1990. He was a blast from her past; their paths had not crossed for years. His sign was displayed in neon which hooked her instantly. She sauntered over to where he was sitting and reacquainted herself with him. She then proceeded to get his phone number before they parted that evening. She telephoned him several weeks later, and from that day forward, her life took an unexpected turn.

Louise's world quickly dissolved and became his world. They laughed, cried, fought, made love and partied together. As her love intensified, the need to save him from himself became her primary purpose. Then the beatings began.

Louise moved in with Larry and the spiral into darkness and despair became the evident path. The abuse was frequent, usually every few days. He laced her food with PCP, and for days she teetered on the brink of sanity, sometimes stepping with both feet in the world of the insane. Love and hate melded together in a synonymous feeling, for her towards Larry.

She managed to find a glimmer of light and strength in a world she had come to believe impermeable to anything other than the microcosm that had been created with Larry. On November 15, 1991, she took a stand for the only person she could help, herself. A shattered shell of a women laid at her feet. From the debris and wreckage arose a child determined, angry and fighting to be free.

I write this book not only for myself, but for every person who may find themselves in volatile situations unable to see away to change their circumstances. There is a way to create a life filled with joy.

About the Author

'And just as the mighty Phoenix has risen from the ashes, symbolic of its past. In a powerful upward surge that signifies a freedom that can only be the result of deep and abiding internal transformation. So has Autumn Toth, been lifted from the horrid depths of her own tumultuous history only to begin ascending the rungs of the spiritual ladder that exist within us all.

'Born of Hungarian descent, in Pasadena California, in March of 1967. Autumn's childhood was turbulent, although as a child, she would find solace in communion with plants, trees, spiders, birds, nature she seemed to be in natural alignment with mother earth. She attended school all the way through college in Southern California, where she was an above average student. She is an accomplished scuba diver and massage therapist, among other things. And this is not her first attempt at writing. For Autumn is a published poet, with the ability to reach right into the heart of life and put into words what many of us have difficulty communicating.

'A relationship that could be characterized as a 'school of hard knox' was the fire that forged her into this awesome, loving, strong woman she had become today. I am honored to be her friend and I feel that once you have read her book you will understand why.'

-- G.W. Taylor