Warped Side Joke Book
by
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On lookout mountain where couples park a policeman walked up to a car and saw a man sitting behind the steering wheel reading a newspaper and a young girl lying nude in the back seat. The policeman asked, "What's going on here?" The man replied, "Nothing, I'm just reading the newspaper." The policeman asked, "Sir, how old are you?" and the man replied, "I'm forty-six." Then the policeman asked, "Is the girl in the back seat eighteen?" and the man looked at his watch and said, "She will be in about thirty more minutes." *** When the eighty-year-old man took his clothes off and ran by a couple of elderly women sitting on a bench at the nursing home, one woman asked, "What was that?" and the other woman replied, "I don't know but it sure did need ironing."
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About the Book
Caution!!! This book is full of jokes that may cause improper body functions. If you hyperventilate easily you may need to read the book with a paper bag over your mouth and nose. If you have problems controlling your urine or stool you should try the adult diaper of read the jokes in the bathroom. If you release gas easily, you need to get two or three cans of disinfectant spray. Two cans are generally enough but the third can is nice if you happen to think of one of the jokes later. If your pucker string weakens and gas starts passing freely in a steady flow, stop reading, don't look for a book mark, get away from the book, you've read too much. Take a tablespoon of cat poop in your mouth and hold it till your butt draws up. Put book in locked safe for six months. If you've had surgery in the past five years read only one joke a day till complete. If you hyperventilate, cough, and pass gas at the same time, elevate head, call 911. Slobbering or foaming at the mouth is generally a sign of a good, healthy laugh. When you complete the book, you will probably want to smoke and then take a nap. This joke book is for seasoned veterans and not for rookies. If you are nervous put the book down and walk away. Don't look back. If you buy the book, make sure you have access to a cat. You have been warned and the author has been relieved of all responsibilities of improper body functions.
About the Author
I am Rex White and I am forty something. I have been a fireman for twenty-five of those years. I have a wonderful family whom I love very much. I believe in family. I grew up around humor and believe that a healthy laugh creates a positive attitude that generally attracts people. I believe there is a bright spot in every dark cave. I love to laugh and love to watch people laugh. After you read these jokes you will be positive about two things, my mind is warped and you will have to suck on lemons to keep the smile off your face. See, you haven't read the book and you're smiling already!