Charlie's Touchdown

When Wednesday rolled around, his health remained steady. I changed out of my jeans into something dressier and informed Charlie that I would not be gone long. Audrey came to the unit dressed sharply as well. Out of her scrubs, she had a different appearance than what I had been used to. It was funny how just the clothes that we wore lifted our spirits. She came over to speak to Charlie before we left. This departure from him was strangely uplifting. Whereas, any other time that I left the unit, it was heart wrenching. We both sensed the power of God between us.

Arriving at the restaurant, we were seated and began a relaxing conversation. Shortly thereafter, our thoughts became spiritual again. She said to me, "There’s something very different going on in Charlie’s room. I don’t know if you’ve sensed it or not, but I can feel a presence every time I go in there. It doesn’t matter if I’m going to be in there for a long time or just to hang a bag of fluids. I can feel a supernatural presence every time I enter his room. It’s almost eerie. It’s so profound. I just had to tell you that."

"Wow. That’s really something." I said.

She went on to say that it didn’t matter who else was in the room. The presence was always there. I was taken aback by the words she spoke. I felt her sincerity and conviction. I knew that Jesus was with Charlie. I could feel His presence with me, too. But for her to recognize His Spirit in Charlie’s room was a beautiful testimony. She finally said, "I can feel God in his room. In all of my years of nursing I have never felt anything like this before."

I was so touched that God was using Charlie in this capacity. I felt honored to be able to offer my child’s suffering for the sake of bringing others closer to Him. Meanings began to unravel. I could see God using Charlie now just as He used Charlie at St. Gabriel, and just as He used Charlie to touch people at his other schools and everywhere else that he went.

We discussed the decision to have the surgery. I told Audrey that God revealed to me that this would be the end, whether he had surgery or not. Several events and memories were shared with her. I knew that Charlie would not be leaving the hospital. I disclosed my feelings of betrayal as a mother in that I should have kept him at home to die. She assured me that it would have been much worse to watch him struggling to breathe, knowing that I could have given him a chance. Oddly enough, in spite of the whole event, and in spite of struggling with guilt, I remained steadfast in the decision that it was right. I was reminded of the words that I heard while in church: "It’s time to leave your children and follow me."

The rest of the evening we discussed every topic relating to children and family. She said to me how good it was for the nurses to see the unity in my family. The love, support, and happiness within us impressed her. She watched us when the trials were hard and when things ran relatively smoothly. She actually looked forward to seeing the children come in.

I don’t know why on that particular night, I felt peace and protection. There was a sense of security having Audrey’s beeper with us for quick contact from the hospital, but there was more to it than that. There was a serenity about the evening that gave me confidence that all was well.