Facing my Self

About the Book

We've all heard of narcissism in the context of fundamental principles associated with a Cluster B personality disorder [301.81 in the DSM-5, 5th edition]. Narcissism seems to be more prevalent in the 21st Century, but perhaps it is simply being more frequently discussed outside the sphere of academia. This book is not simply referring to arrogant, conceited or egotistical traits demonstrating an individual’s occasional behavior. Rather, it is presenting the persistent and pathological inclination to control, exploit and procure energy, resources and time from others. In and of itself, narcissism is a basic survival construct which allows a traumatized mind to survive in a world full of contradictory dynamics. We are all born self-centered and demanding. A nurturing environment, or lack of, determines the extent to which one's fragmented psyche moves from egocentrism to a more compassionate and empathetic perspective. Alternatively, it may propel one's chaotic and shameful persona further along the spectrum toward full blown pathological narcissism; complete with control issues, manipulation techniques and self-absorbed entitlement. Our society should be educating our youth on the various types of personalities and mental health disorders, as well as precautions to take when interacting with possible sociopathic and psychopathic personality types. We should ascertain how to protect against emotional exploiters in addition to addressing addictions. Addiction to toxic people or circumstances can be every bit as dangerous and destructive as dependency on drugs or other self-deprecating behaviors. We must educate young people to choose friendships wisely and stop engaging with behaviors that tolerate ongoing chaos, conflict and confusion.. An individual should not have to adjust or shrink themselves within a relationship in order to cope or maintain peace. Recognizing entitlement patterns, practicing self awareness and placing value on one's own truth are key to navigating through a world of dark influence, deceptive motives and devastating heartache. Witness the dual dynamic of a long-term narcissistic relationship. The author hopes to inspire the reader to recognize, process and face cognitive dissonance. “Honor your value!”

About the Author

The author became a secondary caregiver for a younger sister born with cognitive and developmental delays, total deafness, partial blindness and what would later be identified as severe autism. As a result, the author formed strong character traits; such as: loyalty, patience, tolerance, unconditional love and all such attributes clearly sought after by future sociopathic individuals. The author left home at age 18 with her soulmate and endured being widowed six years later. She maintained a 30 year career in law enforcement and counseling, earned three degrees over three decades, was diagnosed with Dysthymia in 1995 [referenced as PDD in the DSM since 2013], helped raise three sets of kids with three different women, delivered three babies within a four year period and eventually disengaged from a twenty year relationship with an alleged narcissist. Mind you the typical narcissist will go undiagnosed officially because they do not typically recognize a reason to seek counseling. It may help to remember this is a per-son-al-it-y disorder. It does require determination and commitment to grow and become self-aware; but, it can be done. The author eventually crossed paths with subsequent paramoures who purportedly displayed DSM-5 criteria for BD, DID, BPD and NPD, along with comorbidities such as: PMDD, PTSD and SUD [see the DSM-5, edition 5, by the American Psychiatric Association for listed criteria of each diagnosis]. In Facing my Self, My Chronicles were routinely recorded from 2016 to 2019, while the author earned a Master’s degree, joined Phi Alpha and worked full time in Security at University of Pennsylvania Hospital. This manuscript exposes the cognitive dissonance within a toxic relationship; one which persisted for another five years after My Chronicles were written. As a result of the growing quest for peace and safety, the author ultimately recognized that all the puzzle pieces in life played a part, in sync, allowing access to emotional exploitation and to the enabling of egotistical behaviors. This epiphany then paved the way to the author’s journey of self-exploration and empowerment. The author hopes to instill a renewed faith in the reader’s propensity to make the necessary changes to flourish in their own personal journey toward happiness and self-love. “Honor your value!”