WHO IS BOASTING ABOUT YOUR MARRIAGE?

Ultimate Satisfaction Oh, satisfy us early with Your mercy, That we may rejoice and be glad all our days! Make us glad according to the days in which You have afflicted us, The years in which we have seen evil. - Ps 90:14-15 Many enter into marriage with wrong expectations and faulty motives. Some get married because of different kinds of pressure. These include age, parental pressure, peer group pressure, the desire to conform or the perceived inability to stay alone. Many women get married in order to escape the poor economy at their home of origin while some men get married because they need help with cooking, washing and other aspects of housekeeping. They expect their satisfaction to come when their spouse meets these needs. That is why they get easily disappointed when their spouses fail to live up to their expectations. Women are especially prone to pressure arising from advancing age. The biological clock is ticking away and the optimal age for childbearing seems to be slipping out of their fingers. Meanwhile their peers, younger siblings, students and even nieces are getting married and giving birth. They are tired of being the universal auntie. The temptation is to get married to the next available man and manage as best they can. They feel their ultimate satisfaction is in getting married regardless of the moral, religious and spiritual antecedents of the prospective spouse. For others yet, their motivation is the satisfaction of parental expectations. This pressure is felt by only-children maybe more than children who have siblings and maybe by sons more than daughters. Many fathers feel that if their sons do not marry and produce legitimate heirs their name might soon become extinct. Africa has her fair share of this mindset but it certainly did not originate with us. Abram had and expressed these same fears to God: “But Abram said, "Lord God, what will You give me, seeing I go childless, and the heir of my house is Eliezer of Damascus?" Then Abram said, "Look, You have given me no offspring; indeed one born in my house is my heir!" - Gen 15:2-3. Those who think this way do not understand that it is only one name that will outlast all names and that is the name of Jesus. As a matter of fact, when one has left this world as all one day will, he has no power over what is done with his name. Some even have the misfortune of seeing their names dragged in the mud during their lifetime. If you see Eli the priest, ask him. Even the sons of Samuel the great prophet did not follow his footprints. Solomon the preacher saw this as vanity and expressed same thus: “Yea, I hated all my labor which I had taken under the sun: because I should leave it unto the man that shall be after me. And who knoweth whether he shall be a wise man or a fool? yet shall he have rule over all my labour wherein I have laboured, and wherein I have shewed myself wise under the sun. This is also vanity.” - Eccl.2:18-19 KJV Others get married because of peer group pressure. While growing up you may have belonged to a group (didn’t we all?) where you aired your plans and purposes and kept tabs on each other to see how far your dreams and plans are playing out. As each member of the group gets married, there is a loud, though often unspoken “who will be the next”. Apart from the “who will be the next” there is also the unwritten desire to outdo the last one in the preparation, the train, the food, the souvenirs, the guests, the ceremony – both traditional and “white”. This happens so much so that many get into debts they will spend their first few years of marriage trying to pay. They feel they will be satisfied if they have a wedding that is the talk of the town. Little do they realize that the wedding does not the marriage make. Many spend much time, effort and resources to make the wedding – a one day affair – “just so”, whereas the marriage – a lifetime engagement – is hardly given a thought in terms of preparation. There is also pressure based on the desire to conform to societal norms and values. The marriage ceremony must go through the full process: the traditional, the court and the “white”. Many do not bother to think on the significance of these steps or see how they could collapse some steps to make it easier on the would-be spouse, family and friends. Many have lost potentially good relationships because of the desire to conform. It is important to note that having a white wedding does not make a marriage white. We have heard of people who left the beds of their lovers to get ready for their “white” wedding. Marrying in church does not necessarily make a marriage Christian. Today we have churches who will conduct wedding ceremonies for a fee. They even advertise this each time a wedding is conducted in their organization. They do not ask too many questions. There is little or no pre-marital counselling. They don’t have to pastor either the bride or the groom. All you need to do is pay the prescribed fee and your satisfaction will be guaranteed. Though this is saddening, the practice seems to be gaining ground. Many get married because they are scared to be alone. For these people, even when there are indications that the relationship is not the best it could be, they settle for second best because the alternative is staying alone, a situation they think they cannot cope with. (The Rules of Love Richard Templar p.8). The point needs to be made therefore, that ultimate satisfaction in all marriage issues is vested in God. He is the originator and sustainer of marriage. In the United states couples that are marrying for the first time have approximately a 50% chance of divorcing. Psychologists are helping couples.