Guilty Pride

PROLOGUE Shorty I tiptoed down the hallway, trying not to make a sound. I wore only my lace underwear and a tank top. A part of me felt satisfied. A part of me felt ashamed. I knew what I had done. Of course, I knew it was foul. I knew sleeping with his best friend was beyond betrayal. I knew doing this in our house, while he was there, was past disrespectful. The liquor, late hours, and slick remarks played into my decision to fuck his business partner. I crept to our bedroom door like a thief in the night, hoping he hadn’t awoken yet. He was pretty tired and drunk from the party we threw earlier in the evening. It was a celebration in honor of a successful first year for the company he and said business partner just recently established. I took a deep breath as so many thoughts crossed my mind. I turned the doorknob and quietly entered the bedroom. It was the first time I had been with another man. C was my first. He and I had been together for six years. C was all I knew. I met him at seventeen, and he was nineteen. He was my first love, my first kiss, my first everything. Yes, C made me happy. Yes, C satisfied me. Yes, C was successful. C was beginning to travel more and plant the seeds for his business to flourish. I had recently started to feel like I was missing out on something. I felt the need to explore. I wanted more. I had been with C from teenager to womanhood. I was still learning about myself and the world. I never imagined my thoughts and feelings would land me in the arms of his friend. But Duke would always say something subliminal and lately I’d been receptive. I quietly crept across our bedroom to my side of the bed. C was still asleep. He was stretched out over the covers in only his black Versace boxer briefs. I could feel regret. I felt guilt. He began to shift positions in bed. I tried to slip in quickly. He reached out for me, and I could only go to him. I snuggled up under him in my little nook. I then began to panic. I was so in a hurry to rush back to bed I didn’t think to wash up. Please don’t let him wake up, I prayed as my head hit the pillow. He kissed my shoulder as I laid under him. He embraced me tightly as he held me in his arms. He then began to sniff me. Oh my God, I thought in panic. Fear and anxiety ran through my body. I could feel that he knew something wasn’t right. He immediately sat up in confusion. I could feel him looking at me. I tried not to look up to him as I continued to lie there. I could feel what he was thinking. I knew what was coming. Before he could form the words to ask or say anything, we both could hear tires screeching from the front yard. I then looked up to him. He looked at me, puzzled. Before I knew it, he jumped out of the bed and ran to the balcony. He opened the balcony doors and watched the familiar car speed out of our long driveway. I knew then I had made the biggest mistake in my life. I quickly ran to him to try to explain. He went to the drawer to retrieve a pair of sweatpants and a T-shirt. I attempted my plea as he put on his pants. “Baby, let me explain …” I tried to get the words out as I approached him. He pushed me to the floor as he stormed past me. I hit the carpet hard. I could feel the tears building in my eyes as a huge lump formed in my throat. I went out to the balcony and saw him jump in his car and speed out of the driveway. I knew I had to stop him. I rushed for my slippers and a robe and then ran through the hallway and down the stairs. I grabbed my keys and jumped in my car. Luckily, our three-year-old daughter, Cori, was with her aunt Vicki for the night. I could barely see straight as tears flooded my face. I grabbed my car phone and attempted to call C as I went on a high-speed chase to try to stop him. What was I thinking? Why did I do this? Why did I believe Duke? I asked myself as I accelerated down the highway. I never thought about the consequences. I never considered how this could play out if he found out. I guess that’s the thing about cheating. You never consider the then, only the now. It was selfish of me to jeopardize my relationship, my family, for a quick fuck. I never considered losing anything in gaining a night of nothing. I could feel the humiliation as I tried to keep up with C. He was too fast. I could see from his reckless driving he was on a mission to get Duke. I continued to call—no answer. Of course, he’s not answering. What would I say if he did answer? “I’m sorry, C,” would never be enough. I couldn’t keep up with him. I could only pray he couldn’t keep up with Duke. I tried to finesse through the late-night traffic, although with tear-filled eyes, nervous hands, and a heavy heart, it was impossible. When I looked up, I realized how close I was behind an eighteen-wheeler Before I could brake properly, the massive freight truck did.