Chapter one
“I can’t believe he’s dead.”
Brandice Cartel hadn’t moved a muscle in over an hour. Tear drenched mascara ran down her sun blazed face, colliding with the snot dripping from her nose. She didn’t bother using tissues to clean her appearance because in a matter of seconds it would look the same again. So instead, she just sat there in a state of disbelief.
“I can’t believe daddy is dead.” She spoke to herself because no one else was in the room with her. After the burial of her father, Brandice rode back to her parent’s home in the black limousine and locked herself in her old bedroom. Family and friends were gathered in the family’s living room to pay their respects and to bring food by. People had been knocking on her door for over an hour, but Brandice didn’t want to see or speak to anyone but her father. Unfortunately, that was never going to happen again because he was dead. It still didn’t seem real to her. Just last week they had lunch at a restaurant on Newbury Street, one they loved because of the live jazz band that featured a woman that could give Lena Horne a run for money, like they did every Tuesday. Her father seemed healthy and in good spirits as always. They laughed, talked about politics, world news, when she was going to settle down and give him some grandchildren. All the usual stuff.
He wasn’t sick, she told herself. It had to be more than a stroke that killed her father because he was too strong a man to let a stroke take his life. He was her superman, always there to save her from any harm that came her way. He saved her on the first day of kindergarten when she forgot her lunch at home. He left work to bring it to her and even sat in the cafeteria while she ate the bologna and cheese sandwich her mother prepared the night before. He saved her when she first started her period in middle school and she didn’t have a change of clothes or a sanitary napkin. Her father picked her up from school and they went shopping for everything she needed. Brandice remembered how she went numb with embarrassment when he asked the clerk for a “starter kit” of sanitary napkins. When she was in high school and stressing over the SAT’s, he tutored her for months, patiently walking her through quadratic equations and college prep vocabulary words until she felt confident in her knowledge. He even sent her snack- filled packages every week when she went away to college and felt homesick for the very first time in her life. Her father was always there for her and now she would never get to tell him how much he meant to her. How much she loved him and wanted to marry someone just like him one day. She wanted to tell him that he meant the world to her and she missed him already. She wanted to tell him that he was her best father in the world.
Brandice allowed her body to fall back on the firm mattress, the first real movement she’d made in hours. She folded her legs until her feet touched her back and rested her head on her hands. Her eyes darted around the room, not really focusing on much of anything. The light was off, but there wasn’t complete darkness due to the curtains being open, letting a ray of light illuminate one side of the room. Her stomach growled piercingly in hunger pains but she couldn’t bring herself to leave her room and face all those people. Everyone would stare at her and ask her how she was holding up. And the only thing she’d be able to say is, “I’m hanging in there.” It wasn’t the truth, but the only thing people would accept. If she told them the truth, that she was a mess inside and hadn’t slept in days, they wouldn’t know how to respond. People didn’t understand death until in hit them directly in the face. Only when it turns your whole life upside down do you truly understand the power of death. The realization that someone so important to you could be here one second and gone forever in the next will put life in a new prospective, she thought. The second she heard that her father had passed away, Brandice knew her life would never be the same. Her superman had saved her for the very last time.
A soft knock took Brandice out of her memories. She ignored it the first time hoping that whoever it was would comprehend that she didn’t want to be bothered. But the knock came again, this time accompanied by a familiar voice. “Ice, come on and let me in. I know you’re not sleeping.” It was her best friend, Junior. It was almost inevitable that they would be stuck to each other like glue since their parents were close friends and Junior was just under a year older than Brandice. But the two had a special relationship every since second grade when she taught him how to jump rope for their school’s Annual Olympics. They were paired together for the competition and were inseparable ever since. “Let me in Ice.” He knocked again. “I won’t stop until you let me in, sweetheart.”
Brandice pulled herself off the bed and slowly dragged her feet to the door and opened it slightly, just enough room for him to come in but no one else. Junior closed and locked the door behind him. “I brought you a plate.” He handed her a paper plate stacked with finger foods. Brandice nibbled on a grape and fell back on the bed. She felt like her body weighed a ton rather than the hundred and thirty pounds she actually was.
“I’m here for you, Ice. No matter what you need me to do for you, I’m here.” He bit into a cube of pepper jack cheese. “If you want to stay locked in this room for weeks, then I will stay locked in here with you. I just want you to know that you’re not alone. I will always be here for you.” He bent down and placed a light kiss on her forehead.
Brandice grabbed Junior’s hand and pulled his body closer to hers, “Lay with me.” She instructed in a soft cry. He was the only person who she wanted to be around right now. Junior took off his black suit jacket and threw it over a chair in the corner of the large room before getting on the bed and lovingly wrapping his arms around her body. They lay together, her back to his chest, in silence for a while. Brandice fell in and out of a light sleep before she said, “I can still hear his voice in my head. It’s so clear, like he’s still here.”
“That’s because he will always live in your heart and in your memory.”
She turned in his arms to face him. “But I wonder if his voice will always be this clear. I don’t want to forget his voice, or his laughter, or the way he smelled.”
“You won’t,” he told her. “Because if you start to forget then I will remind you. Together we will remember everything about your father. I promise.”
Brandice knew that if by some chance she did start to forget her father, Junior would do what he said because he was that type of guy. He always kept his word to her, never letting her down in their seventeen-year friendship. Junior was the only person closer to her than her parents. He had all the qualities of a good man- loyal to the end. He reminded Brandice of her father in so many ways.
“Mama said he left me a letter. Something he wrote a while ago but never gave to me. She says it’s important that I read it soon but I don’t think I’m ready to open it yet though.” She sniffled as the tears began to fall again. The thought that her father had something important to tell her, that he put it in a letter, was too much to think about right now. She could hardly look at his picture let alone read his words.
Junior wiped her tears away with his thumb. “You don’t have to open it now. There is no rush. There’s nothing in that letter that can’t wait until tomorrow. For now I want you to get some sleep.”
“Are you leaving?” She asked in disappointment. His presence took away the feeling of darkness that wouldn’t seem to go away otherwise.
Junior shook his head. “I’ll be here when you fall asleep and when you wake up.”
With those words Brandice was content and tranquil enough to allow herself the first real sleep she experienced in days.