ARE YOU MY FIANCÉ?
A 20 QUESTION GUIDE FOR DETERMINING MR. RIGHT
by
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2. How many lovers have you had? RATIONALE: The focus here is not about the number, unless he has engaged in unprotected sex or has compulsive or addictive sexual habits. The main reason for answering this question is to see if he will answer it. The question does feel like it should yield judgment (damned if you do and damned if you don't). He most likely will respond defensively or in a nervous-type manner. However, all things aside, take heed of suspicious or extreme answers such as having no lovers or 100 lovers. Such answers could yield some idea of his sexual experience and maturity. Some of you may hesitate to ask this question due to religious, cultural or personal reasons, or fear of intruding on your fiancé's privacy. Not asking this question is not the "be all and end all." However, you must understand that his views and experiences regarding sex will be very important in your marriage, regardless of his and your belief(s). At the end of the day, you still must be able to gage your place as his wife within his sexual experience and expectations. RED FLAG: -Self-esteem issues -Possible history of sexual abuse -Histrionic type behaviors (e.g., pattern of excessive emotionality and attention seeking) -Body image issues -Possible various mental health disorders (e.g., depression, sexual disorders) -Low self-esteem -Trust issues -Abandonment issues -Attachment issues -Commitment issues -False self-image -Anger issues -Emotional immaturity -Stress or mental health issues due to physical health problems (i.e., sexually transmitted diseases) -Narcissistic type behaviors (e.g., requires constant attention and positive reinforcement from others) -Codependency issues -Shame or guilt issues -Issues with rejection -Issues with power and control RATE: 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10
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About the Book
Are you sure that you’re really marrying Mr. Right? Tired of trying to convince yourself that you should marry your fiancé because you “love him”? Concerned that your partner might not be “marriage” material due to his dark past? Do you want to avoid yet another year of engagement trying to prove to yourself that he's “the one”?
Well look no further! With just 20 questions, you will come close to resolving all these uncertainties (plus, be a little surprised at the answer) and increase your chances of marital success.
We have all heard similar complaints from our newly divorced girlfriends:
- I thought I knew everything about him before we got married
- I thought I asked him all the right questions
- I wish I would have known he used to [you fill in the blank]
This guide will not only help you settle all of those unknowns, but touch upon some issues you probably never considered before. As you explore this guide, you will take your potential “Mr. Right” through a series of questions in which you will score him on a scale of 1-10. You will then add up the scores of these questions and utilize a rating scale in order to predict your marital success. Each question touches upon subjects and issues that many women are too embarassed or complacent to tackle but must consider before settling down, such as the following:
- Child Abuse (In 1999, an estimated 3,244,000 children were reported to Child Protective Services (“CPS”) agencies as alleged victims of child maltreatment.)
- Domestic Violence (1 out of 5 of U.S. women will be beaten by a partner at least once in their lives.)
- Alcoholism (Nearly 17.6 million adults in the United States are alcoholics or have had problems with alcoholism.)
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Questions This Guide Will Help You Resolve:
- Am I marrying Mr. Right?
- How do I know if my gut instinct, which is telling me not to marry this man, is correct?
- Does my partner have any secrets he is hiding from me?
- How do I know if my marriage will last?
- Am I doomed to divorce if I marry my partner?
- How do I find out my partner's secrets in a short period?
About the Author
Andrea is a licensed Marriage and Family Therapist with over ten years of experience. She received her master’s degree in Marriage and Family Counseling from The California Graduate Institute of Psychology, in 1999. As a Los Angeles native, Andrea found a passion for serving the mental health needs of high-risk youths and their families in her community. Andrea specializes in the areas of domestic violence, divorce, child abuse and drug/alcohol abuse and is skilled in family systems, play therapy and cognitive-behavioral therapy. Andrea currently serves youths by working in a school-based environment administering therapy to emotionally distressed children and their families with goals of correcting their daily life functions and thus improving their lives. In the evenings, she serves the local community by working at her private practice by providing pre-marital, marital, family, and individual counseling to those in need.