WHAT DID WE DO TO DESERVE THIS CRAZY THING CALLED LIFE

Life: • Life is like a stage play and your playing the lead part, its up to you to play it well because there won’t be any repeats or stunt doubles. • A smart man understands that he will never understand a woman and excepts that as a universal law. • There’s a different between talk and conversation. One requires intelligence and the other doesn’t. A three year old can talk but it can carry on a conversation. • We’re all pack-rats at heart, that’s why there’s the Home Shopping Network. • Have you ever noticed that Victoria Secret models have no tattoos? Its hard to improve upon perfection. • Living life is like playing dodge ball, you have to keep your eye on the ball, be quick and nimble, and watch out for head shots. • A hangover is testament to the fact that you can have to much of a good thing. That Crazy Thing Called Love: • Men are not the true love of a woman’s life, that place is reserved for chocolate. • Happiness is like a kiss, its meant to be shared, and the longer the better. • All marriages are happy, it’s the living together after the ceremony that causes all of the problems. • I think that men find romance difficult because its not a part of their nature, but they have no problem with love because love is a part of any human heart. • A lot of women get excited about nothing, then they marry him. • A hug can be a safe haven and a place of rest. • Real love never has to be forced, if its real it will happen in its own time, and at its own pace, much like a sunrise. More Of Life: • If you know your own mind then you know yourself. • If King Solomon was the wisest man to have ever lived why didn’t he invent the airplane, or automobile, the DVD player, the microwave oven, the I- phone, I-pad, personal computer, or the internet? It may be because he had 700 wives. • Is it wise or smart to have 700 wives? The word “trouble” comes to mind, but that’s just me. • A lot of people will do the right thing, but only after they have tried everything else first. • Life is about being able to multi-task on a grand scale. • The one thing that you will always have is your future so make the most of it. • All of mans problems come from his inability to sit quietly at home and mind his own business. God and Religion: • If God can do anything, can he create a rock so big that he, himself, cannot pick it up? • I’ve always liked what Queen Elizabeth I said, “I’d rather talk to God rather than listen to someone talk about him.” • There are people that say that God didn’t answer their prayer. In actuality he did, the answer was, “no”. • The test of any religion is that you can question it, and joke about it, without getting into trouble. • Only God can explain humans and that’s because it requires an infinite wisdom. • The Bible is life’s instruction book, when all else fails try reading the instructions. Life Goes On: • Success comes to those that are bold enough to pursue it. • Life can be a tough teacher, it has a tendency to give a test before the lesson has been taught. • People hate change, but desire what they hate. • If I’m a NASCAR fan and watch all the races does that make me a racist? • Frankenstein’s monster is a good example of using inferior parts to accomplish an important project. • Equality is a noble aspiration but right now it only exists in cemetery‘s. • You can dream of the future but its what you do in the present that will make your dream come true. • A crisis is what happens when you put off till tomorrow what you should have done today. • Most men consider a “Happy Meal” to be anything served with an ice cold beer. Lawyers, Politicians, and other unsavory characters: • I wonder if there is a separate Hell for lawyers? There has to be, no self respecting sinner will want to burn in Hell with a bunch of wining ,complaining, arguing, lawyers. • Politicians, when their not kissing babies they’re stealing their suckers. • I have a friend who recently broke a mirror and was afraid that he would have seven years bad luck. His lawyer thinks with some negotiation and deal making he can get him off with only five years and some community time. • The United States Congress is like a baby that has gotten hold of a hammer, nothing is safe. • The one thing that politicians excel at is spending other peoples money. • A judge is really a lawyer wearing a disguise. • The lawyer that tells the best story is the one that wins. The Book of Y • Why do gasoline prices go up faster then they come down? • Why do men prefer dogs and women cats? • Why does jelly bread always land jelly side down ? • Why is that when you eat a two pound box chocolate you gain five pounds? • Why do bald men grow beards and pony tail? There not fooling anyone. • Why did the priests of the inquisition think that torture would make people better Christians, enhance the status of the church in the community, and increase church membership. Such is Life • When your trying to plug the hole in your sinking boat don’t use your life vest. • A woman’s beauty can capture your attention but its her personality that will capture your heart. • Your never to old to dream and never to old to live your dream. • We’re only young once because we probably wouldn’t survive if we were young twice. • Don’t tell someone something about yourself that you won’t want repeated on the 10 o’clock news. • To advise some people to “be themselves” is poor advice for some. • Curiosity is a great motivator. • Most blondes aren’t dumb because most blondes aren’t blondes.