Tales of the Single Woman

Humorous and Not-so-humorous reactions to the singles in our midst In Nigeria, being a single girl, especially after thirty, is almost like having a societal curse placed on you. If it was not so demoralising and depressing, it would be almost amusing to observe the way different types of people watch and react to the mature single girls – almost amusing to everyone but the single girl, of course. It is far from amusing for her as she walks amongst the throng of females, supposedly jostling for the attention of the scarce eligible male. Even if the single girl is minding her business, people will, by virtue of her being unattached, assume she is a desperate woman in need of male company. It can be all of amusing, annoying, exasperating, irritating, depressing, frustrating and just plain sad. Worse still, is the observation of a version of that trend in the ‘supposedly’ civilised continents. Hook ups and break ups for women are big stories and on the internet blogs, you find people questioning why some famous single women cannot get men to commit to them. Hook ups are loudly celebrated with interviews of the woman in the relationship, with the interviewer and various sources talking about how ecstatic she is to be with that particular man. Break ups are equally loudly explored with the same woman being interviewed on her emotions and feelings about the end of the relationship. Watching it, I often wonder why these women submit themselves to such interviews – I really do. Personally, but that is just me, I feel these sessions further perpetuate the single woman perception as being broken, alone and lonely – emotions every normal human being feels, regardless of their sex. Whoever you are, whatever your status, I’m sure you’ll find your fit in the many reactions listed below. 1. Fellow mature singles – they look at you with some form of camaraderie laced with satisfaction – a classic case of espirit de corps. They are aware of, and feel your pain but are relieved they are not the only ones with the ‘curse’. It’s comforting to know they’re not alone. 2. Married peers – view you with mixed feelings of pity, relief and sometimes envy. They pity your ‘perceived’ aloneness but still, sometimes, see and envy some of your apparent freedom. Looking around and seeing all the upcoming fresh faced nubile girls, they are relieved they do not have to compete for men’s attention with them, unlike you. 3. Concerned Citizens – these are usually peers or older friends of the matured single woman who want to get her settled down as much as possible. They are always on the look out for possible / potential husbands for you and play match maker whenever and where ever they can. Unfortunately, despite their good intentions, they can be very annoying as their concept of husband material is mostly downgraded to ‘anyhow’ men as they feel you should not be selective in any way. Their suggested choices would range from jobless individuals to the unmotivated males who are simply looking for a supposedly desperate woman to scrounge off on. The Concerned Citizens have two common categories i. Advisors – They are in the habit of constantly advising you on way forward with your personal life. Somehow, they feel you are doing something wrong and have it made their mission to correct your problem. ii. Dreamers – They can be quite annoying or very welcome, depending on the kind of person you are. They would come to you with stories of dreams they have had about your inability to get a man. These dreams would range from labelling you a victim of supernatural powers or a very selective person who needed to tone down their preferences. 4. Young singles – these wonder why you are still single at your age and view you with varied feelings, depending on your level in life. They painstakingly assess your material status to help them determine if you have achieved any kind of success at other aspects of your life, since you failed to successfully get and keep a man. They want to know if you’re worthy of some respect – still. These young singles are easy to detect. Anytime you walk into a room or an event, these young girls give you a ‘major look over’ – your clothes, shoes, bag, jewellery, etc. Their probing eyes search for what to admire or condemn in you. 5. The Lazies – Many women I spoke to, old and young, are claiming that there is an increase in this type of men. These men, deliberately, seek out successful mature single women. They equate your singleness to pliability and assume you would be more amenable to any kind of male attention. Some of them have tried and failed to make a success of their lives so they seek upwardly mobile women or the already successful ones to make their lives easier. With these hard working women sweating it out to make money, they don’t need to work so hard anymore. 6. Jokesters – They gather in groups and have a field day analysing the many efforts you put into concealing your true age such as the quantity of make-up used on your face. They mock your success at other ventures and massage their egos by gleefully stating, at every opportunity, your inability to capture a man. The less successful ones, almost always very loudly, love to point you out anywhere and take you down verbally. Mary’s experience is typical of this. 7. The ‘generation bold’ men – These are in a special category and include men holding down jobs as plumbers, drivers, carpenters, general artisans, etc. No disrespect is meant by the special grouping of these men but there has been a noticeable increase in cases of the successful and mature single women in relation to this category of men who have grown bolder in their choices of the women they consider worthy of their scarce male attention. Some of these stories are quite humorous. 8. Weary observers – these consist of both men and women. They watch you struggle from the sidelines, feeling compassion and pity for the stereotypical challenges you are forced to face everyday for being a single mature woman. Believe it or not, these people really exist and they are somewhat ‘kindred’ spirits. A lot of the time, they get into verbal fisticuffs on your behalf with these people who mock and deride who you are, just because of your singledom. They also get angry at you too sometimes, mainly for what they perceive as your failure to find happiness in your single state. They feel you should not define yourself by your ability to get a man or otherwise. They are your silent heroes, quietly but consistently fighting all those who mock you. 9. Neutrals – They don’t care about your marital status; they care about the kind of person you are and whether they like you or not. These people usually disassociate themselves from the sniggering about your love life, preferring to be away from that brand of negativity. For them, it’s all about who you are and not who you’re with.