For Better or Worse

I tried to get in touch with Raquel for three weeks. She never answered her home or cell phones. When I called her office her assistant would say she was on a call or in a meeting. I needed to talk to her. I still loved and missed her immensely. I wished she could understand we were meant to be together. I knew I messed up. Every time I looked at Misha I thought about how big a mistake I made. Having an affair with Misha was truly the biggest mistake of my life. “Hello,” Raquel said. “Raquel, hi. Wow, I’m surprised you even answered the phone. Hey how are you doing?” I said nervously as I tried to find the right words. “I’m fine,” Raquel said with attitude, which was expected “what can I do for you?” “Um, well, um,” I tried to get my thoughts together, “I was wondering if you wanted to meet for lunch. There are a couple things I wanted to discuss with you.” I tried so hard to contact Raquel but I never actually thought about what I’d say when I finally got through. I had hoped that enough time had passed and we could sit down and have a civilized conversation. I knew deep down in my heart that we belong together and I was hoped we could get pass the bullshit and get our lives back on track. “Actually, Tahir, I’m glad you called.” Raquel said and that was music to my ears. “Really,” I breathed a sigh of relief, “I’m so glad to hear that.” Raquel cut me off before I had a chance to say more. “You have to get your things out of my house. I’m out of town on a business trip but Bianca can let you in.” I didn’t want to get my things out because I thought that I’d eventually be moving back in. It made me angry that I had to have someone let me in my own house but I would call Bianca and arrange to remove my things. “Oh okay” I said, “I will call Bianca and see if she can let me in. Hopefully I’ll have some time in the next few weeks to get over there. Anyway, how have you been?” “I’m fine,” Raquel said, “I was going to call you yesterday but this business trip came up really quickly and I needed to get myself prepared to be on a flight first thing this morning. I wanted to say a couple things. First I am sorry that I shot you. Tahir I pray that you forgive me. I wasn’t in my right frame of mind. No matter what happened I didn’t have the right to use almost deadly force on you. I also wanted to tell you that I forgive you Tahir. I forgive you for cheating. I forgive you for getting Misha pregnant. I forgive you for thinking that the right thing to do would be to have two wives. I forgive you for all of that. With that being said I want to be able to go forward without any hatred in my heart. I pray that you’re well and your life is going the way you want it to go. I hope it was all worth it for you and I hope that you can be happy. I realize now that I wasn’t all that you needed and I hope that you’ve found what you were looking for. I hope that your life is now complete and I wish you the best.” That was the first time Raquel apologized for shooting me. I took that to mean she understood she was partly to blame for our split. Since she was willing to atone and also forgive me that told me we could work it out. We just needed to put the past behind us and move forward. I was ecstatic that she was willing to forgive me. I prayed for that day to come. I wanted to cry so badly because I knew I had the chance to get my love back. “Well,” I said, “when will you be back in town? We can meet for lunch.” “No, that won’t be possible.” Raquel said. “Why not? You said that you forgave me. Let’s move forward. We can get back what we had. I swear I will never ever hurt you again. I love you so much. I’ve missed you. I’m just happy to hear your voice and I’m sorry for everything I did. I’m sorry about Misha. I’m sorry I acted like such an asshole during the divorce process. I just thought if we could fight we could work our way back to each other. I know it sounds stupid but that was the only way I could get you to talk to me. Let’s just try, okay? Let’s try to be like we used to be.” I begged. “No Tahir,” Raquel said, “because what we used to have was a lie. You told me that you were going to be faithful. You told me that when we were dating and I found out about Misha. You said that it was over and you weren’t going to cheat on me again and you did. I don’t trust you anymore. I will never trust you again. I want you to do what you have to for your life and I’m going to do what I have to for mine. We are divorced and it's going to stay that way. I’m not interested in dating my ex-husband. That doesn’t make any sense. You take care.” Raquel hung up. I didn’t think things could get any worse. I had run out of options. I guessed it was time I faced the fact that Raquel was gone and wasn’t coming back. I needed to go home and work on changing my miserable situation at home. It was going to be hard because every time I looked at Misha she made me sick. She was not wife material but I made her my wife anyway. I loved my son more than anything in the world. I just wished I could change his mother.