Randomedy
Novels with Structure, Organization, Fluidity, Cohesion, and Clarity are for Losers
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In 2008 I saw Twilight. I was lonely at the time (and probably still am by the time you read this) and went to see that silly movie. I say silly in the nicest way possible. Here, “silly” is used synonymously with “awful”. I can see why so many teenage girls love that franchise. What young woman doesn't dream of having an effeminate boyfriend with spiky, blonde-ish highlighted hair who spends longer than she does on his makeup and who prances around the woods in fast motion like some little mischievous forest imp left over from A Midsummer Night's Dream and sparkles in the sunshine like someone tossed bottles of glue and glitter at him and hurts her eyes every time he is in sunlight and constantly has to restrain himself from gnawing at her jugular like some strung-out junkie desperately trying to get clean from smack while simultaneously having to constantly protect her from sadistic people of his own kind who like to toss humans around abandoned dance studios and break leg bones for fun? For any Autistic people reading this book, what I just said is called sarcasm. I am sorry if I offended all of my readers of the female persuasion just there, but someone has to get bold and say the premise of that movie is almost as ridiculous as the plot of this book, and I'm saying a lot there. I was trying to start a grass-roots constituency to keep subsequent movies in that series from ever seeing the light of day, much like vampires in traditional vampire movies, not the ones who shine in sunlight like they had epidermal rhinestone implants. I even ordered a boatload of placards, camped out in front of the studio and protested but then got bored and watched some TV.
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About the Book
An Islamo-facist terrorist with shifty eyes who ends up being nothing more than a red herring. A CNN anchorwoman who is too attractive to have gotten her job based solely on her questionable credentials. A wizened and respected CNN anchorman whose famous beard could be its own situation room topic. A nuclear physicist with precognitive abilities and fondness for being killed by buses in the first act. A black man/rap mogul who goes against type and actually lives to the end of the movie. A flatfooted rookie cop who kills a lot of people before all is said and done. A liberal congressman who never met a regulation he didn't like. An aging movie star desperate for attention. Two British Lords ripped from their own time and get a lesson in modern racial etiquette and fighting techniques. A teenage girl on a journey of self-discovery and other-discovery. Two sarcastic Gen Xers who die and nobody cares that they die. A spaced-out feminist folk singer with hairy armpits and terribly broad definitions of rape. A nameless couple who fights all the time and use their kids as emotional weapons against each other. Two Mafia musclemen who try their hardest to not bolster stereotypes about their culture.
What do these people have in common? In the real world; absolutely nothing. In my fantasy world I've thought up so I can escape the harsh and overbearing realities of life? Everything. They come together (except for the fighting couple; they're just filler material and give me some space to backhandedly complain about the bad parents of the world I see) and stop a diabolical villain from blowing up New York City.
About the Author
Nathan Roberts attended and graduated from Faith Baptist Schools in 1998. He graduated from the University of Michigan in 2004 with a Bachelor's Degree in Communications. In 2009, he realized a longtime dream of becoming a published author, when his first novel; Other-Land and the Extraordinary Birthdays, hit the market.
He is a single father of four beautiful children. He also owns four dogs. His kids and his dogs keep him pretty busy.
He is very active in organized sports, playing soccer, volleyball, and softball leagues year-round. He currently works as a substitute teacher in many districts surrounding his hometown of Flint, Michigan. He absolutely loves this job and wishes he had gotten into teaching earlier in his life. He is currently working on a teacher's certification from the College of Education at Saginaw Valley State University.