See Me For Who I Am
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It is critical for the survivor to know that she is never responsible for the abuse. An abusive person chooses to be abusive. They seek to control and rule over another. A survivor's strength in knowing who they are may be viewed as a challenge. The motive of exerting power and control over the survivor may not be revealed until well after the survivor is invested in the relationship. We as providers must not minimize the importance of this investment to the survivor. What is important to the survivor in a relationship can be the focus of her regaining her power back. She must define what is important. We as providers have the resources to allow her to make an informed decision on what's important. Allowing ourselves to listen and gain an understanding of the survivor as a whole being places us in position to work toward change. Change in the survivor's way of thought toward her role in relationships as it relates to her culture is powerful. This change will create a ripple effect in all aspects of her life. She will feel and recognize the power that she has to be an authority in her own life.
I've been given all that one could possibly receive Yet it is not enough As things were given I sought more than what was due me I continue wanting I continue taking Yet it is not enough Externally I seek my happiness Approval, acceptance, attention, or gratitude Yes gratitude! For my mere presence in your life Your grief is my strife You give, I take, I take, and you give more No matter what I do you continually open the door Your pain is my gain Your attempt at helping me is all in vain For I am not happy in me I have not loved me, known me or shown me All the things I want from you What I expect from you What I think you owe me As you give and I take My self-destruction is the heartache you endure As you try to ensure That I have And I have All you can give Yet it's not enough
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About the Book
Many African American women have had experiences of being stereotyped or judged based on the preconceived notions of service providers. Because of the assumptions of the provider, a service or product that is available is not accepted or accessed. This book seeks to show through the experience of a survivor, how it feels to be in need of a service yet unable to attain it. This book is about being able to walk side by side with survivors of color. The goal is to reduce the barriers faced by women of color by providing a framework for understanding the role of culture in domestic and sexual violence. "Chéree Thomas is deeply committed and passionate to end violence against women. She is a true advocate who really gets the human rights quality of empowerment advocacy." Paula Callen, MCADSV Director of Program Services and Building the Safety Net Project "It is far beyond the time that women of color have our voices heard around the service provision and understanding of our issues regarding domestic and sexual violence. Chéree Thomas has a clear vision and innovative ideas for women of color leadership in this work. I know this book will serve as a guide to those of us who continue to advocate for women of color who have had to manage, navigate and process the pain of being assaulted and will prove to have solutions to how women of color can heal.” Kalimah Johnson, LMSW, LCSW Assistant Professor Marygrove College, Detroit
About the Author
Longtime activist, educator and advocate, Chéree Thomas has tirelessly channeled her passions and talents towards understanding and eliminating social injustices. Her work to end racism, sexism, classism,ongoing efforts to create allies, educate service providers and community members, and advocate for survivors of violence. Ms. Thomas wears her passion on her sleeve and does not hesitate to speak her mind, even in the face of great adversity. We are very fortunate to have such a strong and committed voice in the movement to eradicate violence and oppression in our homes and communities. --Holly Rosen, Director, Michigan State University Safe Place