Invisible Woman

Introduction SPIRIT OF WOMAN On February 18, 2009, my wife of thirty-seven years was stolen from me. As a physician and a psychiatrist, I always had to be prepared to handle a crisis. The forces of life and death were integrally connected to my professional life. I have counseled and cared for hundreds of patients in the cold grip of mourning, and over time I learned what language to use, when to let a person cry, and when to allow silence to rule a session. Never in my life had tragedy been completely debilitating to me. But on that cold day in February, I was neither a physician nor a psychiatrist. Every coping strategy I knew seemed to elude me, and I was only a husband, broken by the abrupt and irrevocable loss of the love of my life. For days I remained literally stunned. Nothing looked the same as it once had. In my state of emotional paralysis, it was unimaginable to me that the earth had not frozen on its axis the moment that Jayashree passed. While I remained numb to the outside world, I recalled with a flood of emotions the beauty of her life. For the first time in years, my mind was entirely focused on one thing: my wife. As I visualized Jayashree’s life, I was struck by how selfless and unassuming she was despite the immense power and awareness she possessed. The memories I explored were not new to me; we had smiled and laughed fondly at them many times in what seemed like a very distant past. It was my new perspective that allowed me to have a greater appreciation of her life. With each memory, I realized just how extraordinary she truly was. By my account, Jayashree was responsible for anything good in my life. From my grief, the idea for this book was born. Jayashree’s example fueled my passion to bring to light the extraordinary attributes of a woman. Jayashree had so much to be proud of but never touted her accomplishments. She was capable of moving mountains but still listened attentively to the most mundane details of my day. I recognized that in the way she lived her life, Jayashree had revealed to me the heart of Woman—complex and breathtakingly beautiful. With each breath she took, Jayashree confirmed the power within her. As my sweet memories began to unfold and intermingle with my professional experiences, I began to recognize the strength and greatness of women from all different walks of life. I am continually amazed by the qualities inherent to women, such as instinct, intuition, and forbearance. Troubling me was the incidence of women who seemed to have accepted a lesser estimation of their abilities. Instead of advocating for themselves, these women simply became paralyzed by external and internal forces. Each formerly vital woman would empty herself until only a shadow remained, a stark reminder of what she had lost. Without allowing time for personal renewal, a woman’s energy will be slowly depleted. This is the Invisible Woman: one who is fully capable but allows herself to become a shadow by devaluing her capacity. This book exists as a vehicle to revive and restore the invisible woman. The fear of invisibility has no place in a woman, and yet the insecurities and uncertainties associated with this feeling often prevent her from finding a place of peace. I have included examples of my former patients to paint a picture of the invisible woman and to offer suggestions for combating the feelings she faces. No two women are exactly the same, so naturally there is no single, definitive treatment for every woman who fears she is becoming imperceptible. For this reason, I have offered guidelines that are specific to eight of the primary causes of invisibility. It is vitally important to me that I consistently communicate the mystical and poetic qualities inherent to a woman. The importance of traditionally feminine traits such as instinct, imagination, intuition, compassion, and forbearance are being repressed by the current culture. I believe that this practice is detrimental to both the woman and those around her. I suggest that a woman needs only to recognize her unique capacity in order to initiate the process of self-validation. Through this empowerment, she will become reacquainted with the freedom within her. Freedom to evolve. Freedom to be creative. Freedom and courage to transcend social conditioning. Freedom to find a definition for her own authentic self. I would like to encourage a woman to feel so confident in her abilities that it comes as no surprise to her when the world starts loving her as well. I challenge men to become partners in this process of growing a woman’s sense of fulfillment and worth. As the book draws to a close, I offer guidelines to men who wish to bolster the confidence and presence of the women they love. At no point in this book are the merits of men and women pitted against each other. The focus is instead on the complementary nature of the genders. Men and women face many challenges on the journey to reach a sense of ultimate unity, and it is vitally important that both partners are able to contribute their best selves to each other. In this way, the communion between man and woman will augment the progress of humanity. When a woman’s soul has been restored, she is able to participate fully in the world around her, including her relationships. She should be a lighthouse, unmoving and illumined. Through the story of my relationship with Jayashree, I will discuss the importance of simple moments between husbands and wives. I wish that I had the insight and inspiration to write this book years ago so that I could have given Jayashree a tangible account of my love and appreciation for her. My only consolation now is that others may benefit from the story of our love. And so the story begins.