Who Says Life is Fair?

As a majority of those who have experienced parenthood can attest, one of the most amazing, beautiful, and wonderful things that can happen to a person is to be a parent. In the lives of his two children, there are many moments that remain cherished treasures of memory to Jack Hamilton, and to which he mentally refers whenever he wishes to relive some of the sweetest and most perfectly pure moments of his life.

He recalls for us the experience of standing over the crib of his twelve-month-old son while the child slept, and of being swept up in the sense of the miracle and the privilege of having had a part in the creation of that precious little person. He tells of laying eyes for the first time, just minutes after her birth, on his baby daughter and finding her to be the most utterly beautiful sight he had ever seen.

He speaks of the time at his daughter’s fifth birthday party while, as she played with her friends, he found himself being profoundly struck by what a thoughtful, loving, special child she was, and how fortunate he was to be the father of that little angel.

He thinks of an occasion when he was observing his twelve year-old son as the boy performed some yard work his dad had assigned him. The youngster had a rich and powerful imagination, and was completely carried away in it as he slowly shoveled the dirt he was tasked with moving.  His mind was far away as he did his work, and Jack remembers himself being transported, in a way not unlike what was happening to his son, with the love in his heart for this funny, sweet boy, well on his way to manhood, as he experienced spectacular mental adventures bearing no relationship to the work he was doing, in a plane of existence very far away from where his physical body could be found at that moment.

Jack holds in his heart an abundance of memories such as these. They are too numerous to count and too personal and mundane to be of abiding interest to strangers, but they are a part of who he is and he counts them among the great gifts of his life. He loves his children, and he loves his memories of them.

Sadly, Jack Hamilton’s relationships with his children have ended. When speaking of people whose children have died, it is commonly said that there is nothing worse that can happen to a person than the death of his or her child. Estrangement from one’s children, as complete as is true within the Hamilton family, is almost as bad as, or in at least one respect even worse than, the deaths of children. It can be seen as worse because there is no choice but for people to abide by the rules of death. Complete estrangement, on the other hand, involves just as much separation as death, but is, for some of those involved, voluntary. That can generate a unique kind of loss concerning someone who is still alive and who could change things if he or she chose to. The sting of such a circumstance is enormous.

Survivors of a loss by death can go through the stages of the grief process, and life can go on successfully in spite of the loss, but because estrangement does not include the ultimate finality of death, and because it can contain so much ugliness, it has the potential of remaining fresh, hanging on persistently, and doing its harm in insidious ways that don’t necessarily attend a death.

This discussion is in no way an attempt to minimize the experience of one’s child dying. As said before, the death of a child is as bad a thing as can happen. Loss of a child, whether by death or estrangement, is something best never experienced by anybody. It does happen, however, and must be dealt with. We can leave it to psychologists and philosophers to sort out the fine points of difference. Certainly, the loss of a child by whichever means is a sad and troubling occurrence, and dealing with either can be enormously difficult.

The reason for publishing this book is that, in spite of what has happened with his children, Jack Hamilton loves the life he leads. He enjoys a rich, rewarding, and happy existence, and affirms that he looks forward eagerly to each new day. He is profoundly grateful for the good fortune he enjoys, and oddly enough, he says that he sees a positive side to this sorry situation with his children. This thing is just about the only part of his life that he doesn’t think of as good, great, lucky, fine, positive, wonderful, terrific, exce