A Woman's Secret

“About 3 or 4 years before you were born I had decided that I’d had enough of men. I’d had a couple of long term relationships that went sour and bitter breakups had followed. Coupled with my hectic studies, sports and business law ventures I felt I needed a break from emotional stress. I assumed I could go it alone when it came to parenting. Therefore I decided that since I didn’t need or want a man in my life at the time, I would still go ahead and have a baby. That left me with several options. I could adopt or I could just find a man to get pregnant by and move on. I discarded both those options for various reasons. But I had another road I could travel down. This final option is what seems to have led us to where we are now. I’ve always believed that as a woman only I have the right to determine whether or not I want a child. And with today’s technology it’s possible to have one without having sex with some guy, just to achieve the same purpose. I researched getting pregnant via in-vitro fertilization using anonymous sperm from a sperm bank or cryobank as I think they are called nowadays. It took me over a year to decide if I was actually going to go through with it, all the while realizing that I could meet my dream guy at any time. I actually did meet my knight in shining armor….Jordan, but we met after you were born. You were two years old at the time. I must have spoken to and visited at least half a dozen sperm bank centers across the country before deciding on the particular one I used in Atlanta. I found out that I didn’t even need to visit in person. I could have had the frozen sperm shipped to me anywhere in the world where invitro-fertilisation was conducted. As it turned out the process started with the center sending me about twenty individual profi les of men I would supposedly never meet. There were no names involved only numbers and alphabets to identify each profile. The profiles had consisted of height, weight, color of hair, color of eyes, whether African American or Asian or Caucasian. They also included what their careers were or if a student their GPAs and also their ages. I discovered through my research that over 70% of the sperm donors were men between the ages of nineteen and twentyfour, university students. Apparently they were all paid $50 each time they donated sperm. They often donated sperm very regularly, probably using the money they were being paid to off-set their tuition, fees, books and pocket money! I also found out that each donor could have up to fifteen pregnancies against his identification numbers. Essentially it meant that any man, who has ever donated sperm under those circumstances at least at that particular center, could have up to fifteen kids scattered around the world somewhere.” Mama gets up from the foot of the bed and begins to pace up and down the room. I look over at Dad who for some reason doesn’t meet my eyes. When she was ready Mama continues. “I questioned the doctors, the medical staff and the management staff about the possibility of a meeting such as this. They told me it was next to impossible. How wrong they seem to have been proven! After I chose three or four possibles out of the initial profiles, I sent them back to the center. The process continued when they sent me back a more detailed set of facts on those three or four profiles. For example this more detailed information now included stuff like their blood type, medical history of themselves and even parents and grandparents. For instance whether or not anyone in his family had asthma or diabetes or if a close relative had died from stroke or heart failure. That type of stuff . Eventually I made my choice and lo and behold here you are!” With that, Mama dramatically lifts up her hands. Very unlike her I hasten to add. I hadn’t known what to expect since last night when I’d last spoken to Mama but this certainly wasn’t anywhere in my imagination. I don’t know how to react, or what to say so I decide to ask a question. “Is that all?” “What do you mean is that all? Isn’t that enough?” Now I am angry! “Don’t get stroppy with me Mama. You took it upon yourself to put me through this. I didn’t have a say or any choice in the matter did I? What made you think that any child of yours or any child in the world wouldn’t want a father? I think it was a completely selfish decision. Luckily for me Dad has been the best dad anyone could possibly ever want. He loves me unconditionally; he’s always been there for me come hell or high water. Why on earth would any woman think that a father isn’t necessary? Oh and by the way, I don’t agree with you that only women have a say in the birth of children!