Even When I Hurt...
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Now, an example of a negative reaction was when I was seven years old. My mother had stepped out for a moment and left my father in charge of us. I was approaching the living room where my father was watching television. Now ordinarily, I would not even think to venture out into that territory because I knew that previously my parents had some type of confrontation – an argument. For some reason unknown to me now, I went in that direction. Needless to say, whatever the reason, I entered the living room and saw my father
comments about my mom. By the time I noticed his demented demeanor, it was too late for me to make a u-turn. I tried to play it off and prayed that I would not become the next victim. My father continued to laugh and relished at the fact that my mother was upset. I began to feel uncomfortable and bothered by this and tried to sound him out. He called me over and I hesitated. I really didn’t want to go to him because he was overfl owing with arrogance and a spirit of mockery. I didn’t move. He was still snickering and laughing. He made another negative comment about my mother. I looked straight into his eyes and respectfully voiced my opinion and came to my mother’s defense. After expressing myself, I turned around and started to head towards the kitchen. I can’t remember what I told him. Whatever it was, it ignited him to get up. I didn’t see him coming. He approached me from behind. I used to call this approach “Daddy’s Famous Surprise Attack”. He grabbed my right arm and began to twist it behind my back. He started asking, “What did you just say to me? Do you want to repeat it again?” With each word, his anger intensifi ed; and in turn, he twisted my arm more forcefully. I wanted to scream, but I was afraid that he would pull on it even harder. He wouldn’t let go and he was demanding me to answer. In my frantic desperation, I yelled out, “Daddy I am sorry!” Suddenly, Angie, my savior ran in to fi nd out what was happening. By that time, I could not feel any sensation in my right arm. I was thinking, “Oh, my God, what if he broke my arm?” Angie yelled out in my defense, “Daddy let go of her!” He hesitated for a bit. Finally, he released his grip and then ran after Angie for the second attack. This attack was coming head on. The beating was taking place in our room. I was standing in the living room, slowly bringing my arm to my side. All awhile, I was hearing the second attack in full force. At that moment, I didn’t know what hurt more, my arm or the knowledge that my sister had now become my father’s whipping child because she came to my rescue. I was thinking, “I should not have yelled. I should have let him break my arm.” standing. I felt like I was in shock; I couldn’t move. Fear, my constant enemy, had paralyzed me. My thoughts were, “Oh, no, he came back to fi nish what he started. I can’t run for my life even if I wanted to. Maybe it’s not the right thing to do anyway. I may be adding more fuel to the fi re.” Meanwhile, I was hoping that Angie was all right. My dad started to come towards me. Somehow, I was able to come out of the paralyzed mode and stepped back. The closer he came, the more I cringed. He grabbed my arm and began to look it over to make sure it wasn’t broken. To his assessment, he saw that everything was okay and then he sent me to my room. Had my daddy been able to search and look into the inner me, he would have found a frightened and fractured little girl.
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About the Book
A compelling, heart-felt story of the childhood struggles of a woman trying to find healing and closure from a shattered relationship with her father. This delightful story not only depicts the search for healing and closure, but it also depicts the abuse and the domestic violence that had marked her life. All awhile, triumphantly ending with two perfecting touches “restoration” and “redemption” - overall, superbly portraying it with a twist of fate, humor, and intrigue. A sure remedy for what ails the soul!
Brokenness, hurt, pain, and suffering will come to us all in one way or another. It’s real to the ones who have experienced it. It’s real to the ones who are carrying it - harboring it. Letting go of our hurts and forgiving those who have hurt us isn’t easy. More so, when the ones who have done the hurting are the people that we love, making these words, “Hurting people hurt other people, especially the ones they love”, so profound - so gripping! Thus, leading us to these questions: Is there really healing for the brokenhearted - the “walking wounded” of this world? Is there really “beauty for ashes”? I invite you to travel through these riveting pages and embrace the “healing message” that is springing forth with living waters. In the end, I’m sure you will conclude with this: Her story is your story!
For He promised to give us, “beauty for ashes, the oil of joy for mourning, and the garment of praise for the spirit of heaviness.” (Isaiah 61:3 NKJV)
About the Author
“How could I forgive him…?” These words spoke volumes; it screamed out a “spirit of brokenness”. The one “sacred bond” (love, security, trust, encouragement, etc…) between a father and a daughter had been fractured - never to be mended, so she thought.
As far as she could remember, she yearned for a solid, loving relationship with her father. Instead, she witnessed a father who governed their home with an iron fist. He roamed around like a roaring lion, preying on the weak and devouring the innocent.
Many nights, this wide-eyed little girl laid in suspense - fearing the “destructive figure” that ruled her home and her emotions. On these very nights, she’d question God if there were other children out there living in her world - a world of confusion and hurt. Her biggest question of all was, “Is it okay to hate my daddy?”
In the midst of her crumbling world, there was something that this “destructive figure” was not able to snatch away from her - that one thing was her “faith”. As she withdrew from her earthly father, she became drawn to her Heavenly Father, the One she called her “Abba Father”. She never questioned His existence or His love for her, but questioned the world around her.
There came a defining moment in her life, where her relationship with her father was challenged. She’d have to abandon the “present” and walk into her “past” - a past she’d set apart and saved. Hence, this would send her on a healing journey, where she would discover the gift of “forgiveness” and God’s precious gift to all humanity - “redemption”.
A first-time author with a passion for God, family, and friends. She resides in New Jersey and is a devout member of her church, Agape Worship Center.