Your Best Wife Now

Chapter 2, Dirty Laundry:  How many of you guys out there, have attempted to surprise your wife by doing her laundry? Am I the only one? I feel so embarrassed. I mention this story to point out that there are some things you can do for your Queen that you think are helpful, that turn out not to be so.
For instance, when I first married my wife, I decided to wash some clothes. I walked around and picked up my underwear off of the floor, (I figured that alone would earn me some points) then I found a couple of pair of dirty jeans here and there, and a towel or two. I then thought hey, "I'll surprise my wife and throw in a couple of her sweaters, and maybe a blouse or two.
So here I go in my state of ignorant bliss, whistling while I work, picturing how proud my Queen is going to be of her handsome man when she gets home. Thinking of the special favors I am going to receive that night.I had a spring in my step and a song in my heart. I opened the lid on that mysterious machine with all the fancy knobs, and I crammed all of the above mentioned items forcefully into it, thinking that the more force I used, the cleaner the clothes would get, I thought it looked pretty neat too because of the vast array of colors. So I thought what this colorful load must need is super-hot water to get the items super clean.
In addition to super-hot water, I figured if just a little bit of highly concentrated detergent worked as good as the container said, then a mega-dose of the super-concentrated detergent would work 5 times better. So I went with the super-mega manly dose. I slapped the door shut, and I let this wonderful machine go to work.
The hot water roared like the river wild. The steam was so thick; you could cut it with a knife. The aroma of detergent filled the air. the motor roared into life and the agitator began to agitate. The the water drained, then more water, then more agitation, then it drained again, then came the spin cycle. What an invention the washing machine is. I remember being in Iraq, and washing my clothes in a bucket. This is when we had water to spare. Otherwise, it was wear your clothes until they could stand up by themselves. It kind of made a fellow walk like a robot and smell like road kill. Not a pretty sight I can tell you that much.
Anyway, when the clothes were finished washing, and I convinced myself to get out of my easy chair, and quit channel surfing like a zombie, I started for the washer. When I am channel surfing I look like Frankie Avalon on steroids. Upon arrival at the washing machine, I managed to extricate the clothes without the aid of the Jaws of life.