The Imprisoned Mind
One Man's Journey Through Addiction
by
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In 1991, I injured my lower back, the L-4 and L-5 discs. I have undergone 3 major back surgeries. How do you begin to put hell into words? I was taking Tylenol #4 and Soma for pain. There was alot of depression going on with this as well, because I felt like I was no longer the man of my house. I didn't feel like I was providing for my family and I couldn't do things with my kids the way I used to. I remember the doctor telling me and my wife that after all this I would never be pain free, and that I would never work again. We were devastated. All this time we were still trying to make ends meet financially, and yes, I continued taking my pain pills and the dosage was continuing to increase. I checked into a rehab program at the end of 1993. I was in this rehab for 8 1/2 weeks, and when I left there I was still taking the same medications, but a lower dosage. So when I got back home I increased the dosage back up so that I felt like I could function without pain. Now it was getting hard to find a doctor to write me a prescription so I thought I need to do something. So I did. I just quit cold turkey, and what a hellish nightmare. After it was over I felt good mentally but the pain was still there. I learned to live with it. I was doing really good mentally until, in 1996 I had to have a quadruple bypass. I was doing good, then for some reason I felt like I could take pain medication like it was prescribed, but no, it wasn't long until I was seeing more than one doctor again and taking the same amount as before. It got to the point, that my wife would get home from work and wonder if she was going to find me dead. I couldn't hardly walk or stay awake because I had taken so many pills. I would drop cigarettes, get up to go to the bathroom and fall, that's no way to live. And I wasn't living, I was slowly killing myself, one pill at a time. When you're hooked on an addictive drug you are in your own prison, and in some cases, some people will do anything to get that feeling that those drugs give them. And deeply too, at least with me, I had run out of medicine serveral times through the years, and I really believed that it would kill me if I didn't have them. That's how strong the addiction is. You'll always be an addict, remember that. So you can't go down the road in 3 or 4 years and think, well, I can go ahead and start taking the pain pills again, it doesn't work that way. Once you go back to that and you take a couple of pills, you're hooked again, and you will rapidlly get back to the amount you were taking before. But there is hope man, there is hope. Not only is there hope, but there is a cure for this addiction. Your life will turn around and people will see a change in you which is great.
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About the Book
I was 35 years old when I was injured. At that time I had been working for a major aircraft company for almost 18 years. I never imagined that I would become disabled. After 3 lower back surgeries and 2 neck surgeries I was totally dependant on pain medications and other pills. I didn't know east from west. After a decade and a half later, I was taking 30 pain pills and 12 sleeping pills every day, and still the pain was there and hardly any sleep. I was so depressed and unable to do any physical labor, and to messed up to do any mental work. I had gone through many withdrawals. It has been shear torcher. Over the years I have been through 6 rehabs, but to no avail. They just didn't have anything to help people trying to get off of prescription pain pills. More times than not I would end up in an ambulance on my way to the emergency room. My blood pressure would get so high I often fainted. It's almost impossible when you're in that much pain, coupled with the fact that they had nothing for the cravings of the drugs themselves. Until now, this new drug, Suboxone became available, in which I was able to now stop taking the pain medications at home, with the use of this new medicine. Although I am in severe pain, in my opinion it is worth the trade off to be of sound mind. This journal will walk you through my journey of the imprisoned mind.
About the Author
I'm a 52 year old middle class man. Before I was injured I was a standard tooling engineer for a major aircraft company. I would like to say, that I met my wife when we were attending the same high school. Unfortunately, I had to stop attending school at that time and help my step-father work to support the family. My wife and I were married at the age of 17, and we have raised 2 sons. It was difficult after marriage, working full time and going back to school, but nearly anything is possible if you put your mind to it. I never had a desire to write a journal, as matter of fact I didn't understand why a person would want to write a book. It seemed to me that there was enough books. You can nearly find a book on any subject. The reason that I have written this journal is because I felt absolutely compelled to share my experiences with being dependant on prescription pain medications, so that it would help my fellow man, not to follow in my footsteps. And, if you are following in my footsteps now, I will explain to you how to get off the precription pain medications, without the DT's, severe withdrawals, depression, achiness, diarreah, and the sickness, and actually be able to go back to work the following day after starting the program, if you are physically able to work. If you are not physically able to work, such as myself, I will explain to you in this journal how to live your life free of prescription pain medications and enjoy life as you once knew it. Other than this, as far as writing a book in the traditional sense, I would say, I am not a qualified writer.