A Place to Call Home

The rain was falling, and life was a mess. March was typically a rainy and windy month. The sky was dark blue, which matched Amanda’s mood. She sat in the library and watched as Bella sat on the floor in front of her, turning the pages of a picture book. She looked up at each person that came in, windblown and wet from the relentless weather outside. Amanda was cold and tired. She was doing her best to keep it together for Bella’s sake, but she didn’t feel she was doing a good job of it.

She looked around at the other people in the library and wondered if any of them were going through anything similar to what she was experiencing. She sadly looked at the little girl sitting next to Bella in her designer clothes and brand-new shoes which seemed exceptionally white next to Bella’s dirty, grey, scuffed lace-ups. She looked at her own clothes, which were mismatched and dingy, not at all like the clothes she once wore. Her hair was in its usual ponytail, and she had bags under her eyes. She never did much these days with her hair, and today was just like any other day. She felt the eyes of the other little girl’s mom on her, as if in disgust. She felt like telling her, “no need to feel disgusted about me, I already feel that way most of the time.”

Single with a two-year-old, no job, no real home, what else could go wrong?  How could she screw it up this badly? She would have to get a job as soon as possible, a whole new life. She had no other choice. She had put Bella through enough already. She had been through enough already. The last three years had been a nightmare. Her so-called fiancé, Ramon, had gambled away all her money, all her inheritance, all her savings. She had nothing left except a life that sometimes didn’t seem worth living. But she had Bella, her beautiful little girl, and she was the reason she kept going every day.

Ramon was a terrible father and a horrible boyfriend. He was a drunk, a liar, and a cheat. He always had been, but in the beginning she didn’t care. She pretended not to notice. Amanda thought that eventually he would change. He was a little rough around the edges, but she thought that if she loved him enough or gave him a family, he would be satisfied. Isn’t that what everyone wanted, a family, a place to call home? Evidently, she had been wrong, very wrong. He definitely didn’t want a family, and every day he grew more and more resentful of having one.

Amanda felt she had no one to blame but herself. She just wanted someone to hold her, and tell her that everything was going to be okay. She wanted someone to love and someone to love her back, and that is why she ignored Ramon’s faults. However, she knew she couldn’t do that anymore. Every day he was becoming increasingly angry, and it scared her. She wished she could turn back the clock, but then if she did, Bella would not have been born.