Tears of a Lost Cowboy
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Chapter 3 (Coming Home)
I remember the drive from rehab home, as an excrutiatingly painful experience, full of happiness (I was going HOME!). My vision problem was still there, so we decided to let my babe (Margie) drive. We made it safely, and I was finally home. I just didn't know who I was. And from that day to the present I would search.
I have very little memory of the first few months after I got home. I remember it was Hell and I was dragging my family, especially my Babe, into it with me (hand in hand). The pain was so excruciating, that I was always depressed or angry. To make things worse I was on Morphine for the pain. Here's what the morphine did. It left me so unaware of the world around me, that the only thing I was aware of, was the pain. I was a barely functioning "Zombie". When I was finally able to get a PCP, she agreed to take me off the morphine, and prescribed me Hydrocodone. I was now a higher functioning zombie. I could get off the couch and watch TV, sort of, I usually had no idea what I was watching. Don't feel to bad, this may have been a good thing once you read some of the things I did when I began being able to "understand" what was being said or offered on TV. To me, it was just memory exercises, to my Babe, it was a bill we most certainly could Not afford.
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About the Book
The tears referred to in the title of this book, are not the tears I’ve shed throughout my life. The tears in the title refer to those I’ve shed since waking up from the coma I entered on May 20, 2004. I have no idea how many times I’ve changed the beginning of this book. It is my hope that by the end of it, you will understand why. Not why I began it so many times, but why I have no idea how many times.
This book is the honest truth of the pain, fear, loneliness, the list goes on and on, of living with (in my case) a Sever Traumatic Brain Injury. I also share the Beauty of the New life it has given me and the Angels who have helped me on my new journy.
It is the story of the absolute Hell I go through to survive every day, but the Absolute Kowledge that I am In Heaven! It is the story of my continueing search for more Angels!
About the Author
I am a 49 year old Retired (Disabled) Probation/Parole Officer for the state of New Mexico. Most of my bio you will read in the book. My wife Margie and I reside in Silver City, NM. We have three sons, Joseph Alexander who is 29, Thomas Lee 26 and Christopher Adrian 21. My parents are Celso and Hortencia. I have an older brother, Celso Jr., a younger brother, Aaron, and our baby sister Geraldine. I am the middle son and ALL that that intails.
I have had to many injuries in my life to cover in one book or story, but on 05/04/2004 I had an injury that took my life. I believe that the part of me that died is now an Angel guiding the human part of me that returned, to complete the mission God sent me back to complete. I will someday create a TBI Foundation to help those in my condition and especially those to follow. This is who I am.
I would also like to add that after reading this book you may come away feeling that the outcome for our marriage may be bleak. I am beyond elated to report that as of this date, 02/11/2009, our marriage is well and getting stronger by the day. The reason for this is a combination of Gods blessing and the fact that no one has ever loved anyone as much as I love Her..........except HER.