Taking Care of Mama

My worst nightmare was to have my mother die, leaving me in this world without her.

Having to wake up each day knowing that Mama had died would have killed me or I would have lost my mind. (Even as an adult, I had these fears.)

 But Mama did die, and as you can see, it didn’t kill me. And yes, Mama did leave me,

and I didn’t lose my mind. GOD does not let us endure any more than we can handle.

Before Mama died, she developed Alzheimer’s disease. It took away her character, her personality and her spirit. That was almost as devastating as Mama dying. Those were the parts of Mama I loved the most.

Although Alzheimer’s disease was known about many for years, knowledge about its causes, treatment, and the care of the people with the disease was slow in developing.

Only recently, research on behavioral, social, and environmental aspects of the disease have caused attitudes to begin to change.

Mentally, Mama had slipped away from me, and I was left with a deteriorating stranger

who was supposed to be Mama, but she was all I had to hang on to. I was going through the worst storm of my life, it seemed, and I prayed that GOD would change my circumstances, and change the situation, but he was silent. I couldn’t even feel his presence; I felt like I had to go it alone.

I later learned that in times such as these, you have to trust GOD and have confidence in him. He will see you through all of your troubles. No matter how low your valleys seem to be, GOD knows how it’s going to turn out, because he’s already seen your tomorrow.

When I finally realized that I had to accept the things that I couldn’t change, Mama was getting weaker but I was getting stronger.

As I prepared myself to return to Florida, I bought a journal, because I knew that I wouldn’t be able to talk to Daddy about Mama’s situation; he was in denial regarding Mama’s mental state. Daddy saw a completely different picture than the one I was looking at. He assumed that with a little TLC from me Mama would be all right.

After Mama died, and it didn’t kill me and I didn’t lose my mind, I decided to write this book from my journal. But before I talk about taking care of Mama, I’d like to reflect on Mama’s life before she got sick.