“If it’s not on the trolley, you can’t have it.”

The crew-room at that time in JFK was brilliant, two large rooms knocked into one to form a kind of L-shape.  After such a crap flight I needed a stiff drink.  The station manager provided the crews with free beer in order to relax and unwind (Forty-eight bottles of ice-cold Budweiser were delivered each day - a nice touch I thought). Only four from our crew of sixteen made it for a drink, Naomi and me, the In-flight Beauty Therapist and one of the junior crew who was working in the front galley.  The rest were too traumatised.

We cracked open the Budweiser and were joined by a couple of the flight deck.  The conversation soon turned to the ordeal that had just taken place.  I ran the details passed the Captain who listened intently to what I told him and also mentioned the psycho-host beasts that had bullied and upset fellow members from my course. After about ten minutes, I paused and waited for his reply.  Captain Tim sympathised with me and the other crew members present.  He went on to say that, as they spent ninety-nine percent of their time in the cockpit it was hard for them to comment.

Although the pilots worked for the same company, they were quite independent, had their own union and also had managers in place who were gifted with common sense and the ability to see the bigger picture and did not suffer from the selective memory syndrome that appeared to inflict our own managers.  We debated the situation concerning the Pink Mafia, Colonel Billy Mott and other psychos for about an hour, it was like self-counselling really, and it was nice to know you were not alone in your thoughts about them.

After a while the conversation soon turned to sex, as usual.  The In-flight Beauty Therapist asked if we had heard about the new competition called “Full House”. No we hadn’t, but our ears all pricked up simultaneously. She then went on to give details; “Well, a couple of straight guys known as the Scottish Widows have started a competition to see who could sleep with every rank in the flying pyramid.  Starting with 1 – Junior crew, 2 – Senior crew, 3 – In-flight Beauty Therapist, 4 – Pursers, 5 – In-flight Supervisors, 6 – In-flight Trainers, 7 – First Officer, 8 – Flight Engineer, and finally, 9 – Captain.  First person to take all nine wins the Full House prize”.

The stumbling blocks for me would be the Flight Engineers as they were all blokes, a bit hairy and smelly, and at that time the two female Captains were no oil paintings either.

“Well, that’s quite intriguing” remarked Captain Tim.  (I think he was going to enter the competition).