Sounds of Silence

Spain

The Lord said to Abram, “Leave your native land, your relatives, and your father’s home, and go to a country that I am going to show you… there I will bless you.” (Gen 12:1-2)

I wanted to arrive in Jerez for the Feast of the Assumption of the Blessed Virgin on August 15^th to enter the monastery on that day. I felt that my calling and my keeping faithful to my calling had been in the hands of the Mother of God.  I wanted to honor her and remain under her patronage by initiating my Carthusian career on her feast day.

I returned to Newfield with the good news.  Mom received it with mixed emotion. She questioned why I wanted to leave the country and “live among foreigners.”  I told her that it was something that I had to do, that I was ready to risk my health and life to follow what I believed was my calling from God.  The Carthusians had confirmed it by giving me the green light to enter.  I don‘t think my brother or sister understood what I was doing or why I was doing it.

One of the first things I did was to make arrangements to quit my position at the bank.  I gave my two weeks’ notice.  The manager was surprised that I wanted to leave, and offered me a good management position in Binghamton, and then another in Watkins Glen when I turned that down.  He was disappointed when I declined both offers.  I didn’t explain why I was leaving, because I knew that I would not be returning under any circumstances.  And so, with no regrets I left the world of banking.  I purchased a one-way plane ticket to Madrid, and bade a last farewell to my apartment in Elmira and to my friends at Mt. Savior.

I spent a few weeks with my family on “the hill.”  I continued to take long, solitary walks, practiced mortification in small ways, and consumed as little meat as possible.  I practiced what I thought was the monk’s life, rising at 6, and working in the garden until 7 or 7:30, when I had breakfast with the family.  Then I spent some time in reading until dinner, after which I worked in the fields for a few hours.  After supper I retired to my room where I prayed the rosary and read before going to bed when the sun went down.  I wanted to prepare myself as much as possible.  I was going to sacrifice as much as I possibly could for the love of God.  I was going to dedicate my life exclusively and completely to God.

Before leaving for Spain I wanted to spend a few days with Nana in New York; and there were relatives and friends I wanted to see, perhaps for the last time.  The night before I left Newfield, Mom gathered together a few of our friends for a sort of going-away party.  Mom was always thoughtful in ways that I could never fully appreciate at the time. The next morning on August 8^th, I went to Mass at the Immaculate Conception Church in Ithaca and set out for New York by bus.

I spent a couple of days at Nana’s in Brooklyn.  I visited with Aunt Mae and met with a young Jesuit Priest who intended to go to