Love, Hate, Sex, Death and Satisfaction

Nikalai

With hesitation, I considered the latest offer to solve for a bank robbery. I was relaxing, one bone-chilling winter night, by my blazing fireplace; cognac in hand. Despite my hesitation, (for I am discriminating, and choose my work as carefully as a fine wine), my compassion was stirred by their cry for help: To my experience, they were hapless; the least able in society to decipher and resolve crime. Moved by pity, I accepted. Besides, when the police are beckoning, I feel a civil duty to comply.

But I was hesitant about my assistant, Nikolai, assisting me. Emotional, he had been in one nut house and out the other. Of course he was absolutely of no use, but he was my nephew. And he was wanting. Avuncular, therefore, sympathetic, I hired him. Grateful, I reasoned, he would be loyal, and loyalty is more prized than any other qualification for employ.

Understand, my Nikolai, tremulous, blonde, small-boned with a schoolboy haircut, darting eyes, and quick, nimble fingers, was challenged since birth.

 “We have been asked to solve for this particular robbery,” I informed him.

 Nikolai got excited, and then grumbled himself, as he always did; especially when left to his own devices. Presently he was upset. The institution pilfered was the very same from which, after having been charitably hired, he was forcibly retired. With no refuge, he cuddled under the umbrage of my auspice. 

“Oh, Uncle! You are the only one loyal to me as I to you.” he whimpered.

Concerned, I suggested, “Perhaps you should wait behind. Afterall, objectivity is the crowning glory.”

But, alacritous, of two minds, as we all are, he insisted assisting me.

Ahh, loyalty!

The black safe had been robbed the previous evening: The only witness was a timid cleaning lady. Terrified, she hid in a broom closet as soon as she heard voices.

 I questioned her. “How many voices did you hear?” 

 She was still trembling. “Two. There were definitely two men! One had a high-pitched voice; the other low. They argued the whole while!”

“Would you recognize either voice if you heard it again?”

“Yes!”

“Nikolai, where is the safe in question?”

“In the back,” he admitted.

“AHHHH!” The cleaning woman fainted.

“Arrest him,” I commanded my clientele. Nikolai, handcuffed by the law, was hauled away.

 Moved again, I am now most especially aware of the particular frailty of those souls that speak aloud to themselves. Especially when left to their own devices. They’re challenged.

That witnessed, the search for loyalty begins anew. But first, this chilly winter night, I retire once again by my blazing fireplace; and savor yet another cognac.