THE RECOVERING ALCOHOLIC COMPANION
When You Can’t Get to a Meeting
by
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DISCUSSION MEETING
Topic: Having a Bad Day
It’s important to be realistic; sometimes, in sobriety, you will have a bad day. What will you do?
Kevin: Nothing really bad has happened today. No one took a shot at me. My boss didn’t fire me. Nothing dramatic has gone on, but little things just kept going wrong for me all day. When I got into my truck, my seat belt warning went off as soon as I turned the key. It always does this; it’s how the truck is made. However, today I found myself screaming at the sound of the buzzer. If I had known how to tear out the warning device, I would have. I really need this meeting!
Mike: Early in my attempts at sobriety, if I had a bad day, I would end up drunk. This happened to me several times. So my reasoning became: if I don’t do anything different to deal with what is going on, I’ll be able to drink. It took a while for me to realize that having a bad day and getting drunk have absolutely nothing to do with the other. Later on in recovery, I would have a bad day, ask for help, and I did not drink. How I deal with having a bad day determines the outcome.
John: When I have two or three things happen to me in a row, I often label the entire day as a bad one. The events make me uncomfortable, and that makes me angry. I don’t like being uncomfortable. It also sets up fear and scares me because I begin to feel like I am losing control. This is erroneous thinking, and nothing could be farther from the truth. The reality is, if I don’t add my character defects onto these uncomfortable feelings, they will soon pass, and no great consequences will come of them. But let me add self-pity and see what happens. These are some of my thoughts:
No matter how hard I try, everything keeps going wrong for me.
If I had a really good program, I would not be having these bad times.
If this is the way life is going to be, I may as well be drunk.
I am really adept at taking these uncomfortable feelings and projecting them into the future.
Connie: That is what suicides do. A lack of hope for the future leaves them with nothing to live for. Although we don’t take our bad days to this extreme, some of us do take them far enough to get drunk which is a slow form of suicide for us. More often than not, we just take these days far enough to make us very uncomfortable for a while. Better to take things as they happen, even uncomfortable things, and go with the flow. Don’t add on our own ideas of perfectionism and control to turn a few uncomfortable feelings into a truly bad day. Feel the feelings but don’t dwell on them. When we ask ourselves, “How important are these things I am getting so upset about?” the answer can be, “Not enough to ruin God’s gift of a sober day!”
Colleen: Don’t forget! You’re not alone anymore. Call someone in the program when you catch yourself in these negative thinking patterns. It will help them just as much as it does you.
Question: When you notice that your day is not going so well, what do you do first?
Question: Getting irritable happens to everyone sometimes. Could you be blowing things out of proportion to the situation?
Question: How can you alter your thinking about what appears to be a negative circumstance today?
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About the Book
An essential book for people in all stages of recovery as well as medical professionals and criminal justice officials, The Recovering Alcoholic Companion offers 29 simulated 12 step meetings on various topics and 36 short essays of experience, strength, and hope. These ‘meetings’ are simulated renditions only. All precautions have been taken to protect the anonymity of the program and its members. The purpose of this book is to serve as a companion to recovering alcoholics who are unable to get to a meeting by providing the material to conduct their own meeting. Because the foremost reason alcoholics relapse is they don’t go to meetings, it should be presented by loved ones and recommended by probation officers, doctors, therapists, treatment centers, and incarceration facilities.
About the Author
T. C. Lower is a recovering alcoholic who has been sober over 21 years as of 2004. She has compiled this work as a tribute to the wisdom and recovery of the late Phil G. who died as a sober alcoholic with more than 28 years. The resulting collaboration provides credible accounts of experience, strength, and hope without breaking anonymity.
T.C. has attended