The Dying GOD

DAMIEN:  I am alone.  There is no God in this place.  (A momentary pause.)  Have I found my spirit? does even that remnant of myself still exist?  I fear not.

I have been dreaming for a long time, but I have now awakened from my dream.  What was it that I have dreamt?  Difficulty in remembering, but the memory is coming back to my mind.  A dream has a memory all its own and this memory is independent of the dreamer for it has a life and a place and a framework in the scheme of one’s life.  It is a fragile reminder of the impermanence of creation.  A dream is created and destroyed for it must be destroyed if one is to awaken.  It has power and death.  Death.  A word that I have come to embrace and to feel sublimely comfortable with...and to long for.  (He hugs his arms about his torso as if he feels a coldness.)  Weakness is upon me, but slowly the strength is returning.  It’s still dark outside, but there is light in the room.  I lift my arm to place my hand in front of my eyes and the light vanishes completely...the room becomes a pitch-black void of nonexistence.  The terror that I feel takes a grip on my body, and every muscle shudders as a cold spasm sweeps through me.  I try to cry out.  Did I moan in agony or in ecstasy?  Or was it just my imagination?  (He gets up and drapes a towel about his waist.  He begins a slow circuit about the stage.  Momentarily, he places his hand to his face and makes a  full pivotal turn.)  The sun will soon rise in the sky and make itself known to the world.  The chariot will drag the orb over the horizon and across the vaulted heaven.  (He places his hand to his mouth while suppressing the urge to laugh hysterically.)

I’ve bitten myself, again...the fever has me in its grip.  But, how did it start?  That cannot be told of directly.  It is the sphere of people that is the cause and the effect.  As I begin this saga, the names of import are Cornfield and Samuel and Antonia...Colette...and Bayla Ortiz.  Bayla. If I allow my mind to focus and think about Bayla- I- I- will go insane!  (He turns about and circles the stage in the opposite direction, occasionally glancing at the audience.)  The precise date is forgotten...lost to me, but there is an incident that bears focusing on that involves a green bracelet.  Antonia and I had gone into an antique store and browsed about.  Most of the stock was rubbish, but a piece of rubbish caught my eye: it was a green, crystal bracelet.  I bought it.  I am not a haggler and do not bargain for things.  Antonia laughed and kept urging me to haggle.

But, why did I buy it?  I don’t wear jewelry because I don’t like the feel of it on my body.  I only wear “jewelry” for ceremony.  And, that’s it, no point, no rhyme, no reason: in short, this was not a rational act.  I like to think of myself as a very ordered man.  I even study religion in its intellectual light for I am an atheist.  An atheist who believes? in nothing.  (He smiles for the first time and pauses.)

When I was a small boy, my mother would take me to church every morning, and I would receive communion.