The Goodbye Letters

Grace opens the window in her bedroom to stir the solitary air bouncing in and out of dreams, it is about 12:30 a.m. when she hears it, the front door creaking open.  Adrenaline speeds up her heartbeat and she lies very still. Could it be Jack?  She sees a silhouette in her doorway.  It’s Maura.  She closes her eyes, feigning sleep.  Maura walks around the bed and looks out Grace’s open windows.  She turns to Grace now, standing in the moonlight, half light, half dark like Grace’s picture.  She’s in her pajamas.   She slips off her shoes and robe and crawls into bed beside Grace. Maura seems so small tonight. Grace isn’t afraid.  She understands.  Grace is lying on her side and Maura puts her arms around her.  Huge teardrops plummet from Grace’s eyes.  So much drama today.

“I know you miss him, Grace.  I understand.  It hurts to be alone sometimes,” Maura whispers. 

Grace is quiet for a moment, trying to stop her tears.  The most unlikely candidate is comforting Grace, the protector.  “Thank you,” Grace says. 

Maura knows Grace is alone again.  She has kept her distance while Jack was with her. But, Maura is lonely, too.  Grace rolls on her back.  Maura is now looking at her.  She wipes a tear stream from Grace’s cheek.  Then, she kisses the tears on her fingertips.  “I’m consuming your sorrow.”

Grace just looks at the ceiling.  Is this part of the game?  She even steals teardrops.  “You can stay, Maura.  If that’s what you want,” Grace says, still looking up.  She turns to Maura and the softness in Maura’s eyes shocks her.  She has never seen her look more beautiful. 

“Thank you, too,” Maura smiles. 

Grace’s tone serious now, “Demons under the bed again?” Maura shakes her head, sharing Grace’s ceiling view.

That night, Maura sleeps close to Grace.  Occasionally, Maura wakes, unable to sleep, and just rubs and pats Grace’s back, soothing herself more than Grace.  The demons are catching up to Maura, Grace can tell.  As Grace is drifting off, she hears a small sigh.

Maura mutters, “I’m sorry. Forgive me.”

Grace closes her eyes tightly.  It is like stabbing Grace, the words, and the acknowledgment that is never truly affirmed.  She hears Maura begin to breathe easier.  In that moment, those milliseconds stretching for hours, Grace softly murmurs, “I forgive you.” Grace has surprised herself…