Deliverance to a Fresh Spirit: 12-Step Guide for ending toxic relationships and overcoming their effects

Abby's Testimony...

It seemed like the more I did in bed the more he wanted.  I began to feel like my husband was some kind of sexual pervert.  Things started to get really out of hand, and I began to feel really trapped.  I wanted to keep my husband satisfied, but I was not enjoying the things that he was expecting of me.  I couldn’t talk to my mother.  She definitely couldn’t help me; she couldn’t help herself.  I couldn’t tell my father.  When I tried once he cut me off by replying “Oh princess, I’m sure you’ll do what it takes to work things out.”  My husband did not want to just make love with other women.  He wanted me to make love with another woman while he watched and participated.  I thought, now this is enough.  I was already making love to my husband in ways that I didn’t like, nor did I think were Godly, to please him, but this was going too far.

We went back and forth about it.  Things got worse and worse until he finally stopped making love to me altogether.  I guess he was trying to punish me.  I was somewhat relieved, but I knew I would have to give in to him sooner or later if I wanted to keep my husband.  I didn’t want my marriage to end.  I really loved my husband.  I kept thinking, everything else is great, he’s not beating me; surely we can work through this.  Finally, after his threats to leave me, I gave in.  I made him promise me that if I did this one thing one time that we would never talk about it again.  I even asked him if we could get some counseling because I was really worried about his sexual appetite.  He would not go to the nude bars, out of fear that someone would see him, but he would rent all kinds of nasty girl movies and buy the nasty magazines.  He expected me to be like those ladies and look like a whore when we were at home.  He bought me all kinds of lingerie that just wasn’t me and expected me to wear it or nothing while cooking and lounging around the house.  He bought various whips, toys and sexual gadgets.  This is okay, I guess if this is your thing, but it wasn’t mine.  I felt so degraded.  I think it was because I was made to do it and it was not of my free will.  He constantly said things like “Baby, this is what I need from you if you’re going to be my wife.  There are plenty of women who would love to please me sexually.”  Anyway back to the ménage a trois.

I consented and he made all of the arrangements.  The big night finally came, and I had drank wine all day trying to loosen up and get myself ready.  Deep inside I was praying that God would just close His eyes and not be mad at me.  I felt worse than my mother.  At this point I wish I had just been like her and let my husband be unfaithful.  He probably was anyway.  The woman arrived and she was gorgeous.  She had long, straight, blonde hair, and long sexy legs with big boobs and a tiny waste.  I knew she would be because he loved gorgeous women.  She was extremely nice.  I could tell she knew that I was nervous so she tried to break the ice.  After things were over she stayed the night.  The next morning she cooked breakfast for my husband and me, served us in bed and left.