There is Life Beyond the Grave! - I Shall Not Die But Live

MY TEARS JUST WOULDN’T COME BY CRYSTAL DIXON

Molested at 4 or 5 years old kept a secret.
Disowned by family and parents at 18 for religion.
Homeless on the streets, not a whore on the corner but a desperate survivor in strangers’ homes.
Yet, my tears just wouldn’t come--..

Raped by an African stranger when my monthly visitor came.
He told me God would bless be after he took what was not his.
My mother betrayed me and for that I was never the same.
Never tried drugs or was completely lost in the world.
Just wanted to be loved, respected, valued, but I was dead to the world.
My tears just wouldn’t come----

I met my son’s father, 6 years older than I.
I took a lot of abuse from him out of fear.
Refusing to go to my parents, a shelter, the House of Ruth was my home while pregnant with my son, Joshua.
God blessed me with my very first home.
I still went from one bad relationship to another for many years.
Yet, my tears just wouldn’t come--

Fought cancer in my body, meet death at my door.
Now I had two children, Joshua and India, by two different fathers, Joshua was disabled and special needs and India just wouldn’t talk.
Then my heart was broken when Joshua and India was taken from me in 1998 on Joshua’s birthday which started a 5 year legal battle.
I had another daughter, Linda Ann, in 1999 and she was taken because of my other two children was in foster care. They were taken just because I lacked support systems and without criminal charges pressed.
Joshua has been in several foster homes and my daughters were put in the same foster home.
Daily I dreamed of my children coming home and daily my heart hurt for my children as if I was the walking dead.
My tears just wouldn’t come--

One day it hit me that Jesus has been there the entire time.
He sent his angels around my life.
He never gave up on me even when I did.
God’s strength kept me together all along.
Then I realized my tears were inside the whole time but I had to survive.
Only the strong survive, right?
My tears did come sometimes on my face now and then, but I thought they were invalid to myself and others.
Dead people don’t cry, they just exist.
Jesus gave me his Holy Spirit to comfort me to wrap his arms around.
Something on the inside just flowed like water in the river.
I began to cry not tears of hurt and pain, but relief.
Tears of joy to be love by God.
Tears knowing that I am God’s child.
Tears knowing that I am more than a conqueror.
God showed me from then on that every tear of mine he held and treasured even when they weren’t seen by the naked eye.
The tears came, and kept going on and on--
From that moment on I dedicated my life wholeheartedly worshipping God doing His will.
Now my life has inner peace, contentment, and unending joy. God has wiped my tears