The 9 Insights

Perception

As children we are born perceiving the world without any prior filtering system or conceptual framework (Harman and Rheingold, 1984, p. 36 & 135).  We are in-tune with our senses, and are filled with wonder and anticipation of the world that is waiting to unfold.  That is why children are so excited about life, and can’t wait to get up in the morning.  They are expecting something wonderful to happen, but something else occurs.  In the book: Magical child matures, Pearce (1985) relates an awareness and experience in his youth of an awesome new dimension of life that was ready to unfold, but something much different occurred (p. xiii).  He says:  All year in school I sat at that desk, stunned, wondering at such a fate, thinking over and over: Something was supposed to happen, and it wasn’t this.

For me, I kept expecting someone in my life to reveal the amazing aspects of the world, but they never did.  I can remember as a child, the exact instance when I realized that people were trying to pass off a reality based on the physical world.  I was so disappointed, not in its lack of existence (because I knew that it existed), but in the realization that people were living their lives disconnected from it (I purposed at that time that I would some day find and present this world).

What was it that was supposed to happen, but never does?  Instead, we are expected to accept a reality that is based on what we see.  Then, through the process of redirection and socialization, we learn to disregard our inner awareness, control our feelings, let go of our will, and take on the qualities of a pleasing personality.  Through continual instruction (“Don’t be that way!” “Don’t be so stubborn!” “Don’t be so emotional!”), we learn that our inner senses are not acceptable extensions of our self, and that the belief in and pursuit of our initial views, desires, and dreams–is childish.  Emotions are to be controlled, boundaries are to be set on our behavior, and reasonable expectations are to govern our individual aspirations. Who we are, what is expected of us, and what our limitation’s are–are developed through a process of molding. We are also oriented to “reality,” and the need for social acceptance, and how to become like everyone else. Through expressions like: Grow-up, that’s life, and welcome to the real world–Societies perceptions are passed on to us.

Erich Fromm (1941) traces the path by which we lose the acuity of our inner sense.  Through differing disciplinary methods of the educational process, the child often gives up the expression of their feelings.  The child is often taught to have feelings that are not all theirs.  The ultimate goal is to take on the qualities of a pleasing personality (Bugental, 1976, p. 11-12).

Bugental (1976) states that we have learned very little about the sensing of our inner being and have often been taught to ignore or devalue it (“You don’t really feel that way!”  “That isn’t what you really want, now is it?”  “It doesn’t matter what you want; you’ve got to deal with the real world.”).  He suggests that it is the early training from our parents and teachers, with the intention to socialize (tame) the child so that his or her own wantings, feelings, and inclinations would not bring them into conflict with the expected patterns of their world (p. 3 & 6).

According to Elliot Aronson (1992), it is through the process of conformity that we relinquish our own will in order to please and be accepted by others.  Initially it is our parents will and opinion that takes priority, which is later supplanted with the will of others that come into our life.  We conform to the will of authority, or the majority, to avoid being disliked by them for disagreeing.  We live up to the expectations of others to stay within their good graces and to appear to be correct (p. 22).  After 11,000 hours in the classroom, which is about what we’ve put in by the time we finish high school, presumably we’re ready to make our way in the world, but by that time our inner consciousness is almost totally shut down (Bry & Bair, 1978, p. 122).

When we chose in terms of the wish of another person–the Self is lost (Maslow, 1968, p. 58-59).  Yet if a child is allowed to make the choice, and the choice is really a free one, then we may expect them ordinarily to choose forward progression.  Mezirow (1991) states that in order to be free as adults, we must be able to “name” our reality, to know it divorced from what has been taken for granted, to speak with our own voice.  Thus it becomes crucial that the individual learn to negotiate meanings, purposes, and va