Dear Hannah

INTRODUCTION

Dear Hannah,

I wanted you to know exactly how much I love you.  There are so many things that I want you to know, that I want to share with you about your birth, about your father, and about your family.  There were so many things that I wanted to tell you that my letter became a book.  I am sure that I have not told you everything, although it may appear that I tried to do just that. 

One can know the meaning of “love” in a number of ways.  Love can be shown by one’s conduct.  Love is an emotion and you can feel it.  You can use a number of words to describe it, but there is no definition and no group of words that can adequately convey the feeling and the emotion.  Each day of your life I have sang you a little song that I hope one day you will be able to remember.  It is sung to the tune of “Happy Birthday” and goes like this:

Good morning to You,

Good morning to You,

Good morning Dear Hannah,

Good Morning to You

Sometimes I wish I could find a new way to say “I love you”.  I fear that after saying those words so often over the days, months and years, it will begin to lose part of its meaning and magic.  I guess I really don’t know, after thinking about this for months, any other way to tell you how strongly that I feel about you.  I hope and pray that those three little words will somehow keep their magic and that you can over and over again feel the joy of those spoken words. 

I hope that one day you will learn why you were disciplined when you were disciplined.  I hope that you understand that every hug had a great deal of meaning.  I hope that we always have the ability to communicate and share our feelings with each other irrespective of how uncomfortable it may seem at the time.  It is important that we have the opportunity to be honest.  It is also important that we be allowed to let each other know how we feel in happy times as well as difficult ones. 

I can remember at age twenty-four beginning to pray that one day I would be married and have children.  I prayed for a child of my own every day and sometimes several times a day for over twenty-four years until your birth May 2, 2001. 

God answered my prayers.  It may have taken a long time for those prayers to be answered, but they were answered in a most magnificent way.  God gave to me not only a beautiful little girl, but a very smart little girl.  He entrusted to me an awesome responsibility.  I hope that I never let you or God down.  I hope for years to come that you realize that there is no such thing as a “perfect” parent.  Hopefully, we will both learn that whatever my deficits may be as a parent, many can be lessened by the bonds that I feel for you on a daily basis. 

I do not know if I can adequately explain the great joy and love that you have brought to me by my being able to witness your first step, your first word, and your first tantrum.  I do not look forward to your first bra, your first date or your first time behind the wheel of a car.  I will, however, try to be as excited and joyful about those firsts as I have been for all of the firsts and accomplishments during the past two years. 

In the meantime, I will look to you as a partner in flying kites, building sand castles, and blowing bubbles.  I look forward to skipping down the sidewalk in the rain with you.  I am prepared to scare away the monsters under your bed, police a slumber party, and to place your finger painted drawings, pictures and flowers under refrigerator magnets. 

You have already inspired me to do things that I never dreamt I would be doing at my age.  I certainly never saw myself dancing the Barney Song on Saturday mornings.  I never envisioned myself getting so much joy reading The Adventures of Pooh, Piglet and Eeyore, Creative Memories scrap booking, finger painting, playing “peek-a-boo” or singing with the Wiggles. 

For the forty years prior to your birth, I cannot remember being as excited about Christmas, Santa, the Easter Bunny and Halloween.  Until you were born I had never been to a Pumpkin Patch.  I look forward to Disneyland.  

I want you to experience a happy childhood.  I want you to experience a childhood filled with love, laughter, the freedom to express yourself without fear or intr