Love Hurts

Chapter 1

Even Princess’s need love

Well I really don’t know how the hell I ended up here. I am 26 years old with 2 sons by two different marriages, the most recent one in shambles.

I guess it’s like my grandmother once said, "Girl, you don’t have the good sense the lord gave you. I don’t know what’s in that empty ass head of yours."

Well I don’t know if the statement is entirely true but there is definitely something about the way she looked at me while saying it that made me believe I was the biggest dummy on the face of the earth.

Sometimes we wonder what our life would have been like if we had only stopped, and thought about most of the decisions we were about to make before we made them.

Well it would take me a heap of mistakes to figure that one out so let me take you on a little journey with me starting at the beginning of my escapade of idiocy.

"There is no reason for you to get married at 17 years old princess, what is wrong with you?" I held my head down as my grandmother stared disapprovingly at me and my mother sobbed.

"You need to be packing your bags for Virginia State, not no got damn Pocono honeymoon."

These words will forever be true in my mind, although I felt as if she (my Grandmother) was only trying to spoil my happiness. Later I would find that almost all of which was said to me was true. She was in a huff, and nothing I could say to her would calm her down. "Do you know that you’re throwing your life away, do you?"

"You know how many girls in your position would love to go to college, your uncle has paid for your tuition to Virginia state university and you’re standing here telling me that your not going because, you’re pregnant and getting married?" You just couldn’t keep your legs closed a little while longer could you? You done waste your virginity on that boy, and now you gonna waste your life too! Well this is the last straw! "

" I swear you are going to be just like that idiot brother of yours, you just wait and see, and just how young lady do you suspect your uncle is going to get his tuition money back?" "What are you going to do for a living with no college education?" Oh lord Jesus how in the world am I going to tell the family this. They are going to be so disappointed." "Lord Princess I’m telling you, girl you sure can start an uproar with the bullshit that you pull." I figured since she was so mad I wouldn’t bother to tell her that I still planned on going to school, just not when everyone thought.

With most of that being said in one breath, my Grandmother turned with a huff and walked out of the kitchen to go spread the news about how her Granddaughter the idiot, had struck again.

Sure I didn’t have any intention on making my family upset with me. I didn’t want to shame them. But this was something I felt the need to do. For you see my fiancé and I had already had one mishap that had to be taken care of (if you know what I mean) and I was not about to let it happen again. So with all of this, me the girl who said she would never get married, me who at one time thought boys were the most disgusting thing walking the planet, me who just one year before this still held on to my collection of cabbage patch dolls for dear life, was going to become somebody’s mother and wife.

Jesus I don’t think I can do this but I’m going to have to, God is depending on me, and so is the life growing inside of me.

The wedding was very modest, but nice, my dress was tailor made compliments of my aunt Denise, my mom’s sister. She was one of the few people in my family I could talk to and she was good for trying to turn a bad situation good,

or at least she tried to. Although I was no blushing bride I tried to look happy just to please everyone who was there. Especially my groom and his family but I’m almost sure they saw right through me, I kept going to the bathroom to cry and must have smiled in let’s see exactly one picture. Well I guess that’s the way you behave when you know your life is going down a one-way street the wrong way with no brakes. I don’t know maybe it was the food or maybe the fact that I was now suffering from morning sickness, but I just wasn’t in a happily ever after kind of mood. I was almost positive that everyone there had something negative to say about the whole situation.

Probably how me, the idiot and him the poor sucker were doomed to a life of poverty and depression. Family, who needs them?

Well life went on after that, my belly got big and I got depressed. After about six months or so my baby boy was born a screaming six pounds 13 ounces. I made him a junior and went home a little happier than I had been since the whole thing started.

There was just no way could I be mad at someone who did not ask to be here, someone who was as beautiful and innocent as a kiss from god himself. So I let myself love him and have never stopped since. Soon after my angel came into the world I was working and going to college. This of course was extremely hard for someone not even out of her teens, so I guess you can say I was sort of a basket case.

I didn’t know if night was day or if day was night and started not to care.

I hated my husband and almost gagged when he wanted to have sex I was lonely, unhappy and I wanted out of the marriage. I just didn’t know how to admit it. It was around my second year of college that I met a man named Darren.

He was the kind of man that attracted me; he was tall muscular and a straight up rough neck. For a nineteen-year-old girl whose life was little to talk about he was something dangerous and I couldn’t wait to sneak to his house so we could make love all day. I knew it was wrong but I didn’t care, he was exciting and I

"Damn baby you look tired, can I give you a ride?" Usually when I hear a tired ass line like that I don’t even give them a second look, but for some reason I just had to. Maybe it was because I had been feeling unattractive and depressed at the time but for whatever reason I did and it changed my life forever.

He was cute so I decided to pass the time and talk to him for a few minutes, which turned into an hour so I sat down in his car. It smelled so good like strawberries and incense. I think if I hadn’t smelled dirty baby diapers and cafeteria food everyday for the past two months it might not have been as appealing as it was. Never the less I was hooked, he told me he worked in a health food store and would love to see me again I didn’t hesitate to say yes. I wanted to try someone different I felt like I needed variety in my life and that was something that I had robbed myself of with the choices I had made so early on in my life. I was determined to get it back.