God and I; Me and God

Preview

Now I was sad and heart broken, not knowing what would come next. After I finally pulled myself together, I asked her about my mother and father, and if I had any sisters or brothers. Her reply was direct and honest, "As I said, your mother is dead, but your good-for-nothing father is in the North somewhere. She also told me that I do have a younger brother. I asked her if she knew where my father lived, and she said that he was in Fayetteville, North Carolina. She then showed me how to write my very first letter to my dad. I remember saying "Daddy, I want to see you. I don’t know you, but would you come and see me?" I told him that I was going to school now, and I don’t remember the rest of the letter, but I did mail it soon afterwards. A few days passed, and late one night, there was a knock on the front door. Mama said, "Who is that?" The reply was a man’s deep voice, "Its me." Once again Mama said, "Who is that?" Again the reply came back, "Its me." Mama had had enough. "If you don’t tell me your name I will blow a hole in you!" This time the man’s reply was a little bit different. "This is Gene, Annie. Open up the door and don’t shoot!" I sat up in the bed not knowing what to do. I couldn’t believe my eyes or ears! He came! He really came! I was so happy! What will I say? What will I do? When Mama opened the door, there he was. He said, "Hi baby, come hug your Daddy!" I jumped out of the bed into my Daddy’s arms, hugging him as tight as I could. I don’t remember everything we talked about, but we talked for a very long time, until I finally dropped off to sleep. When I awoke the next morning, my Daddy was gone. Mama said that he had to leave. I never saw him again until the day Mama died. During those years after my father had left, Mama had been very sick. To make things worse, she had three strokes. The last one caused her mouth to twist around to the side of her face. It was very hard for me to see her looking like that, but I stayed right by her side. I even slept with her when she was dying, even though I didn’t know it at the time.

My grandfather finally told someone to "Take that gal out of this room and make her a bed elsewhere!" Some of the family members then took me from her room. She was dying for three days and nights, and I will never forget that as long as I live. I watched her talk to her mother and uncle, and to other family members who she could see but I couldn’t. She would shake hands smiling and talking with each of them as if they were in the room with us. Then there was a day when she saw a big, black spider on the wall. She said to me, "You see that big, black spider?" I said "No." She said that there was a black cat too! I took off running and got one of the other "children" and told her what Mama had said. She came and told me to leave the room. I did leave for a while, but later I went back in her room. When I saw her, she looked as if she had put on make-up. I said, "Mommy, I thought you couldn’t get up?" She looked at me and said, "I can’t." I said, "But you got make-up on!" Her face looked just like someone had made it up. She just looked at me and smiled. That same night, she became unconscious. The noise, oh the noise! The agonized tones of pain and suffering. The sound of death. It is a sound I will never forget! Three days later, the only mother I ever knew died at nine fifteen a.m.