I'm a Big Fan!
Irreverent Fan Letters and the Celebrity Responses That Followed
by
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From the Desk of
January 23, 1998 Walter Cronkite Dear Walter: I'm a big fan! I truly believe that you are the most trusted man in America with the possible exception of my foster father, Earl Pitts of Groom, Texas (home of the largest cross in the Western hemisphere). Anyway, I respect you a lot, hence the reason for my letter to you today. I've posed this question to a lot of people, but I never know if I'm getting a truthful and objective answer or if they're just telling me what I want to hear. I knew that if I went to Walter Cronkite that I'd get an answer I'd be to tell my 71 year old foster dad. The main reason for my letter today is to ask for some advice about my possible career move to photo journalism. I'm always looking for an opportunity and I was thinking about becoming a stalkarazzi. With the death of Princess Diana, and the intense heat placed on the European stalkarazzi, I think a lot of them might be getting out of that aspect of the business and into safer areas such as taking baby portraits or class pictures. What do you think? Would a new guy stand a chance, or the stalkarazzi field still pretty full? Any help you can give me will be appreciated. When you write back with your advice for me, could I also have an autographed picture? Thank you Walter! And that's the way it was, James E. Spamm Jr *** CBS Inc., 51 West 52 Street January 26, 1998 Dear Mr. Spamm, Thank you for your letter to Mr. Cronkite regarding your decision about a career as a photo journalist. Unfortunately, Mr. Cronkite could not respond personally since he is away from the office for the next couple of months. Mr. Cronkite asked me to express his deepest regrets that he is unable to help you. It is impossible for him to fulfill the huge number of requests he receives of this nature, despite the worthiness of everyone. However, he thanks you for thinking of him and wishes you and Mr. Pitts the best of luck in the future. Sincerely, Sterling Rome
James E. Spamm Jr.
CBS TV News Depart.
51 W. 52nd Street
New York, NY 10019
P.O. Box 10232
Fullerton, CA 92835
New York, New York 10019
Assistant to Mr. Cronkite
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About the Book
In 1996, super-fan James E. Spamm Jr. discovered a book of celebrity mailing addresses. What followed during the next five years was a virtual avalanche of off -the-wall fan letters to some of the most famous people in the world. Through his letters, Jimmy Spamm made a play for Liz Taylor. He sent his resume to Donald Trump. He asked Mr. Rogers to mail him some beer. Our pen pal to the stars even received a letter of recommendation for entrance into underwater welding school courtesy of Wink Martindale. In all, Jimmy Spamm corresponded with dozens of well-known people in the fields of entertainment, politics, business, and sports. More times than not the celebrities "bought it," and now so should you.
About the Author
James E. " Jimmy" Spamm Jr. was born in a shotgun-style, clapboard mansion near the poi mines of Honolulu, Hawaii. He was educated at home by his dyslexic parents, who taught him his ZYXs. His family moved stateside when Jimmy was just eight years old so that his father could accept a lucrative position in the booming tube socks industry. Seeking discipline for their young son, the Spamms enrolled Jimmy in the Mahatma Gandhi Military School in Tulsa, Oklahoma. There, inspired by his P.E. teacher, Jimmy decided to pursue a writing career despite being born with only nine toes. His first professional writing assignment was for the Oklahoma Department of Motor Vehicles where he was commissioned to create a series of informational pamphlets. Though he had many successful campaigns, his pamphlet, Your Glove Compartment Isn't A Spittoon, was called "brilliant" my pamphlet aficionados. A scratch-and-sniffbook publisher took notice of Jimmy's work and hired him to produce a series of "How To" books. His first book: "How To Dry Roast Peanuts In Your Nose," was published in 1994 and sold well (especially in peanut producing states). He followed that success with " How To Successfully Steal From Your Church s Offering Plate, " in 1999. Spamm currently resides in Lampasas, Texas where he is working on a cutting-edge, murder mystery suspense novel that breaks all the rules by revealing "who dun it" in the book's very first sentence. About the Author's Biggest Fan James E. Spamm Jr.'s biggest fan is comedy writer, David Jerome, Capricorn, 5'10", 180. He has written for radio, newspapers, television, and comedians including Jay Leno. In 1979 he broke his arm while attending vacation Bible school.