Politics, Religion, Sex, and Other Controversial Topics

Tommy was at one of the periodic neighborhood cookouts. In addition to allowing the neighbors to enjoy good food, these suburban rituals provided an opportunity to engage in friendly banter. The neighborhood doctor, Cosmo (nickname Cos) Payne, was complaining about the bureaucracy within Medicare and the private insurance companies. He whined about their slowness to pay the doctors, and he complained that they unilaterally reduced charges that he submitted. Hiram (nickname Hi) Tekky, never one to withhold his opinion, said Cos ought to be ashamed he and his fellow doctors charged so much for their services, and the Medicare payments were still far too high! After all, it wasn’t the doctors but the research laboratories that were responsible for medical advances! Cos Payne rejected such logic and explained that he had to double his charges just to compensate for insurance adjustments. Hi just didn’t understand that Cos had a major investment in medical school, an office staff to pay, and exorbitant premiums for the malpractice insurance he had to carry because of "sue-happy" lawyers.

This last remark was aimed at Shifty Sheister, a retired lawyer who was enjoying the "good life," as evidenced by the barbecue sauce dripping from his double chin. Shifty of course took exception to Cos’ comment. He rationalized that it took seven years of college to get his specialized law degree, and he deserved every cent he earned. After all, it was his profession that ensured the rights of other Americans! He bemoaned the fact that attorneys just weren’t appreciated by those that took our freedom for granted!

After listening to this self-serving three-way exchange with a pained expression, Artie Gay put his hand on his hip and indignantly complained in his high-pitched voice that entirely too much value was placed on the "sciences." After all, it was the "liberal arts" people that were sensitive to human needs, and they that perpetuated our heritage through their works. And just look how poorly we pay them for their never-ending, long-suffering contribution, Artie complained.

This comment riled Hi Tekky even more than Cos Payne’s lament. He retaliated with "Do you realize people pay more for an evening of entertainment with one of your ‘artsy’ friends than they pay for a week’s worth of food?" If he were king, Hi said, the real scientists would get the big bucks. It would not be the medical practitioners like Cos that run high-rent offices, not the ambulance chasers like Shifty that drive up prices without making any real contribution to society, and certainly not the narcissistic entertainers and artists that Artie looked up to.

In jumped others. Lenny Lerned, the neighborhood educator, listened anxiously to this disturbing exchange, and then repeated his own often-heard lament: "Where would all of you people be without teachers?" He said it was just not right for those that do so much to make so little. Cap Tillis, a businessman, took the conversation in stride, then made the casual observation that the group could cry all they want, but it was customers that really established our wages. A puzzled look came across the group. Customers set our wages? What was Cap drinking?

ALL I KNOW ABOUT SEX I LEARNED ON THE DISCOVERY CHANNEL!

Tommy Trew had done it again! Somehow he managed to foul up the display settings on his personal computer! Even though Tommy had spent a career around large- scale computers, he was a novice around these newfangled PCs! So he did what everyone in the neighborhood did when they had a computer problem— he asked Hi Tekky, the neighborhood PC guru, for help! Hi came over to Tommy’s house, assessed the problem, and in about 18 clicks of the mouse and 90 seconds of elapsed time, restored Tommy’s controls.

Tommy looked on in amazement, thanked Hi, and asked him how he developed such a talent. Other than the computer, did Hi have any other burning obsessions in life? Hi shocked him with his response: "Oh yes, I’m a Lesbian!" Tommy knew that this comment was some kind of a "come on," but he took the bait and asked Hi to explain this outrageous statement. Hi explained that last week he was carrying on a conversation on the Internet with an appealing female, but when he tried to become a little more intimate, she told him that she was a Lesbian and obsessed with making love only to naked women! Hi said he realized from that moment on that he too was a Lesbian!

RACE RELATIONS— ARE WE WINNING THE RACE?

Congratulations were in order! Toasts were being offered! At the annual meeting of the neighborhood golf club, Roosevelt (Rosey) Fewcher was the overwhelmingly popular choice for president. Rosey moved to the neighborhood just last year. But he had quickly demonstrated his athletic talent, his competitive spirit, and his warm neighborliness. He was merciless on the links, but would graciously come to your rescue when help was needed. These same characteristics undoubtedly made him successful in a computer service business he started 12 years ago. Rosey parlayed his commercial experience to win a competitively awarded service contract at the local government installation. And his company had recently won the revered award for "outstanding small business of the year." He was the kind of guy you just enjoyed being around— confident, humorous, and caring.

Our own Tommy Trew was honored to call Rosey a friend. Rosey’s popularity reminded him of celebrities that seemed to exude his same characteristics, and were among the most popular people of our time— Colin Powell, Michael Jordan, Bill Cosby, Tiger Woods, and Oprah Winfrey. Like Rosey, they too are black. Any of these people would carry white America in a landslide should they run for office! This seemed to belie the belief that white America doesn’t accept blacks. Could it be that white America has no problem with the color of one’s skin, but rather has a problem with certain behavior? And is such behavior observed more in blacks? Is it bigotry to reject behavior? Tommy really wanted to discuss these issues with Rosey, but he found it awkward to lunge into such a discussion. Would Rosey blame Tommy for the problems of the black folks? Should Tommy start with an apology on behalf of all whites for the treatment of blacks? Would such a discussion jeopardize their friendship?