My War

My war or detailed answer to the question 'How are you?' Instead of prologue Only today, on the 5th day of the war, when frying the pasties, did I realize that I should do something so I would not go mad. I will keep a war diary so that people could later find out what happened. Even if no one cares, I hope that someday I will wake up in a peaceful country, reread all of it and realize how happy I am. And I will never complain that I have to get up at 5am by the alarm clock to see my husband off to work. Because now I know how terrifying other ‘alarm clocks’ can be. So, Day 1, 24/02/22 I woke up from the noise of volleys. I grabbed my phone. On the other side of the phone, there is already panic. They are taking rollcalls in all chats of parents, colleagues, and friends. I open the internet. Yes, Putin declared a war on Ukraine. He did under a different name, but we all know what it really is. Still, this is hard to believe. Then the day turns into an endless chat with all friends and acquaintances (How are you? And how are you?). I try to withdraw cash, buy groceries, medicines, but in vain. The queues are so long that I abandon the idea and go home with my youngest daughter Masha. Scared by the terrible sounds we ran home with empty hands. My husband is dismissed from work because they say, ‘something is happening’. He comes home with a ‘gift’, 39 degrees C body temperature. I know that this is clearly COVID. I am in panic because I understand that there is practically no medicine at home. After learning my situation, friends from Kyiv offered to send medicine by mail but I know that the post is not working anymore. In any case, I am grateful for the offer. I am going crazy because I have no idea where to hide my family ‘if something happens’. We try to find out how things are going on with our official shelter that is listed on the city website. It turns out to be the basement of our twelve-story building and it is totally unprepared to be a shelter, instead it is just for a showcase. The girls from my Leadership Academy try to cheer each other up. They propose to write ‘the three useful things that I did for today’. I realize that the only thing I do today is just panicking. I smiled for the first time today and went to make dumplings. It was our first night on the floor of the hallway. We realized that we did not spend the money on an air mattress in vain. Mattress- best purchase of the year! Dog’s dreams come true! He is the happiest one, because the whole family is with him on the floor! Night passed quietly, surprisingly. Day 2, 25/02/22 We woke up from shelling. But I'm glad that we somehow managed to sleep. Here appears call-overs in the chat again. This is our new reality. Achievement of the day: I managed to buy groceries and medicines, and they accepted cards today. It is still difficult to draw cash. Today my elder daughter also has a high temperature. Fortunately, we now at least have some medicine. I still can't believe that all this is truly happening, and I have to make it clear to some of my students that there will be no classes today. We have a war. It is not a right time for learning English and Zoom! They all are things of the past. I had the same endless chat with friends and students. My friend Anna is moving to a more reliable shelter at Azovstal plant with her baby who is only turning 4 months in 2 days. Friends abroad are worried, and they keep asking how we are doing. We hold on. A friend from Greece asserted that all of this will last no more than 48 hours and after that Ukraine will give up and everything will be fine. This is not good for me at all! However, this is not a time for having arguments. I just hope it will be over as soon as possible. My cousin from Kyiv is sleeping on the ground at an underground parking lot with her husband and two dogs. We think of them when we feel uncomfortable on the floor. Maybe a basement would be better? I endlessly surf the internet to look for advice from the experts on this matter. Our corridor seems to be OK according to them. But my nerves are betraying me. I lock myself up in the toilet and burst into sobbing, thus I write to my friend in Greece, begging her to take care of my children if something bad happens. I find out that neither my speaking club nor Window on America exist anymore. I was asked to delete all the posts from Facebook. How can I delete them? Speaking club is my baby! However, it is gone, and everything has been deleted without my permission. It is time to sleep. You can never know when the Grads will awaken you.