Exit Strategy

She believes their relationship is one to be admired. In little time, they’ve become best friends, lovers, and confidants, who are spiritual and universally connected. The power of the connection takes hold of her daily. Sitting at a picnic table, Alexis ponders the love she shares with a man who isn’t her husband, but she would go so far as to call him her husband. In her mind, they are kindred spirits. Individually, they sought to elevate the lives of their families’ without thought of the same love in return. There’s commonness between us, she thinks. She justifies their relationship by believing their love is so strong, and they can make the world a better place. Unfortunately, this love threatens their existing lives because they have grown greedy. Thus, their relationship is the reason for any turmoil that has befallen her. Simply put, she has an incredible amount of love and passion for the giving, without thought of return from any others but him. She simply wants someone to appreciate her as a person. In meeting this man, all she wants is his love. She’s always hoped her husband would be that man she needs. Coincidentally, the same things she lacks with her husband, Brandon, she doesn’t give the man she loves. In her daily life, the love and passion provided to her without him are minimal in comparison to what she receives from the man who holds her heart. With meeting one another, her love for him has erased the emptiness, and she currently lives to be with him in any capacity. Her love for him ignores others, but she knows they may be unable to be together. Therein lies the rub. She loves him selfishly and seeks to add their powerful relationship into her daily life. The issue is Alexis isn’t willing to let go of her other life altogether. Alexis believes each person is placed on this Earth for a purpose. She feels like the man who holds her heart was placed there for a reason. Unfortunately, their relationship is a danger to her life. She feels a deep level of love, and it’s this love that is her tragedy. This love tests her moral fibers, as well as creates feelings of anger, depression, jealousy, sadness, sexual anxiety, temptation, and lust, thus, eating away at her core. Moral codes she once believed are no longer important because of her feelings for him. Thoughts of the day are about him, taking away from her responsibilities. With all the negative components of their relationship, the feeling she receives from him is powerful. It’s this feeling, like a drug, that she fights to control. It is only now that she has a decision about the relationship. It’s a summer afternoon after a week of heavy rainstorms. Kids can be seen playing in the community park with parents watching from a short distance. The sounds of the playing take Alexis back to her days as a child. She listens to those sounds with fondness while reminiscing about the days when there was no need to think so much. She’s tired, and strangers walking along the trail notice her. Alexis has been sitting for less than an hour, but she’s been there long enough to catch the attention of a parent. The parent approaches to inquire about her well-being. The parent explains, “I saw you sitting here, so I’m just checking to see if you’re okay,” he says calmly. Alexis can hear him while staring into the distance. She glances to her right to see the tall man. “I’m fine, sir…I’m just relaxing.” The man nods and remains there awkwardly, even after receiving his answer. She feels as if he thinks something troubles her and wants to ask more questions. She stares at him with her deep brown eyes to show him she’s fine. The parent politely apologizes for interrupting and moves along to leave her with her thoughts again. The wind blows her dark hair gently, almost as if it was meant to happen at that precise moment. She has never felt beautiful, but the man she’s in love with helps her view beauty through a different lens, which speaks to the reason she’s at the park on this day. Alexis sits in the park they visited of on multiple occasions. “They” refers to the man she’s in love with and can’t live without. Not too far away is her rental car, gassed up and ready to go. There is no clear destination in sight for her, but she’s taking a trip. Hopefully, she will not be making the trip alone, which is why she waits. She's never known love like this but understands why people always say it’s the strongest force in this world. The lyrics of Stevie Wonder’s Love’s in Need of Love Today play in her mind over and over while she fights the tears of a possible rejection. Willing to leave her life behind, Alexis waits for the love of her life. She didn’t understand being in love until she met him, and he swept her off her feet. For her, the idea of being swept away was a pipe dream, until she met Aiden. She thinks not only of his kindness but also the fact that he’s married with three children between the ages of eight and fourteen. She can see the faces of the children, while she contemplates taking him away. Opening her purse, she pulls out the journal that has given her comfort for years. In her journal, she begins to finger through the pages for a specific section. The journal is open to where she first addressed her admiration for him. Her finger moves across the page, tracing the pen marks. She closes her eyes to feel the marks on the page and mentally recites the words. He’s such a quality individual. He doesn’t require much, as the “not much” consists of respect, understanding, open-mindedness, love, loyalty, trust, integrity, morals, goals, and authenticity. Being by his side has taught me to search within me to find out who I am, what I like, and the source of my passion. I began to research my future goals because of him. As I’m beginning this journey, I have mixed feelings like it’s going to be fun and somewhat scary at the same time…fun because I have him by my side, holding my hand and giving me comfort. It’s scary because it’s that doubt that creeps in my mind. What if I don’t do as well as anticipated in things I try? Then it’s him in front of me, pulling me through those moments with motivating words that cover me with encouragement, allowing me to feel empowered. Aiden is a man of quality, integrity, morality, intellect, motivation, spirituality, passion, drive, and one that loves to share with those who are appreciative of his time. He does something to her she is unable to explain, and though she likes her life, Aiden makes her feel welcome, alive, and aware. It is almost two in the afternoon. If Aiden shows at the time of two o’clock, they will leave to be together, forever. If he does not show, then life will resume for Alexis. A part of her hopes he doesn’t show because the guilt of him giving up his children is eating at her, but not enough to avoid going. Back to Chicago, maybe? she thinks. She’s trying to do the right thing, unsure of what the right thing is anymore, but the love she has for him is extremely strong and makes it hard to be moral. While she waits, she reminisces about how she made it here, at this park, on this day, with these emotions.