Confessions of a Lonely Churchgirl

Growing up I often asked myself why me? Just Why me? When I looked in the mirror, I saw defeat. I saw myself as less of a person. A horrible person. I saw pain and hurt. I saw sadness and anger. I couldn't for the life of me understand why I went through half the stuff I went through. I couldn't understand why it was always me being the butt of bad jokes or the one who always gets the short end of the stick. When was it my turn? When would I be happy? Why do people always leave or hurt me? Why does everyone look at me like I'm nothing? Why do I feel the way I feel? Why is it always me in stupid messed up situations? Why should I stand strong or keep holding on? Why did my dad have to leave me or not want a better relationship with his children? Why do people treat me as if I don't exist? Why can't I find someone who truly cares about me, someone who will love me the way I love them? Why do I give my everything for nothing? Why do I love so hard and yet no one would show me the love I showed them? Why did I cry day after day over my heart's sadness and pain? Because I was pissed, I was so hurt. I tried so hard to let the pain and hurt go. I tried to forgive. I couldn't help but beat myself up and say that everything was my fault. Why did I have to go through so much pain and sorrow.