From Hell to Heaven, One Man's Journey

I just finished the Men's retreat 2015 poem and it’s time to get the 200+ poems published (just talked to the publisher) and as I promised, 50% of the proceeds are to be tythed to Sierra Pines Church for without your continued influence, the book would not have the content it does. Bruce, our pastor, does a sermon, I go home and write it into a poem. Here is my story that inspired this book. I filed for dovorce after knowing that my wife was sleeping around. I tried and failed to make her happy and was in denial for years trying to cope with the truth. One evening, I confronted her with the truth….her response was “so what are you going to do about it?” I told her I was filing for divorce. She yelled, “Go ahead, you cannot afford to divorce me!” I felt so angry and trapped in my life, but I had no choice but to seek an attorney and file for divorce. I was done with the emotional and verbal abuse from this person who absolutely hated herself and consistently took out her self-hatred on others, especially me. Going through the divorce was nothing short of brutal. I moved into a rental house to get away and have a safe place for my children to visit and regroup my life. This worked out well, until she figured out that she could come over any time of day walk into my house and start screaming at me. I finally had to threaten her to stop coming over and my life was no longer a part of hers. It just never ended. When the kids were to be picked up for my visitation week, they would be gone. So I would call her and she would explain “oh, so sorry, I forgot. I will have them home tomorrow sometime”. The persistant disrespectful torment was awful and well planned out as a trap that to this day I fall into because she knows how much the children mean to me. The emotional abuse was bad enough, then there was the financial abuse. In 13 months, she spent $130,000 of our savings and temporary support the attorneys required that I pay. I complained to my attorney and he told me, do not worry, it will be deducted from her part of the settlement. Just keep paying her bills to include house payment, car payment, insurances, food, gas, clothes as she bought a new wardrobe, on and on…. After 14 months in late July 2007, she finally agreed to settle. Great, I could move on with my life until the next act of abuse. In August, I had just found out that my ex-wife moved the kids to San Luis Obispo (a 4-hour drive away) and enrolled them in school while I was away on business. I called them and asked and they said it was easier to live with their Mom as she did not require them to clean their rooms or do their homework...it was just easier for them..plus she needed them so they said they needed to take care of her. After hanging up the phone, I sat in the middle of the living room floor and cried.....I was devastated as the kids were my life! With the divorce requirement of paying the divorce settlement of $250,000 in cash plus $3,400/month in alimony/settlement/child support I did not know how I was going to make it on top of losing the kids. With this debt load, I knew I did not have the time to go see them much because her attorney informed me that if I miss one payment he was going to have the judge file a contempt of court charge and put me in jail. While sitting there, I wanted to just end it....I had never felt so alone, so abandoned....just kicked to the curb as nobody cared.......then GOD told me to write....tears in my eyes....write what.....HE said, it does not matter.....ok, I said....so I crawled to the kitchen table, got a piece of paper and wrote my 1st poem.....that night I wrote another.....the poems turned into the means for me to relate my feelings and my life, emotional turmoil......as the poems poured out, I went through and relived the anger, abuse, neglect, hatred, loneliness, heartbreak...over time, the poems took on a new meaning...one of understanding, forgiveness, acceptance of self.....my heart started to open....... In 2008, my fiancée (now my wife) took me for the 1st time to Sierra Pines church...loved it....so with her encouragement, I started reading the bible. I read a child version when I was a kid, but it was not like this time.....since I travel a bit, she bought me the complete bible on CD so I could listen as I drove down the roads....so I kept writing poems and they took on a more spiritual meaning as HE guided my hand through life's lessons....... In 2009, my daughter came to "have a talk". After 45 minutes of her telling me that I had ruined her life and that I was a drunk and on and on...I had had enough, so I asked her to go...as she drove away, I put my head in my hands and cried....and I asked God, “will this ever end?” In 2011, my brother decided to steal the formulations for the Floccin as well as 70% of our clients by having his version of the Floccin made by another Company and sold to our clients at a reduced price. This was easy for him to do as he was the VP of Sales and I handed over these clients for him to visit and service as needed building a relationship with each one. It was and still is extremely painful to hear from clients the scathing lies about me and my Company, things I never did or said.... The harder part was to find out that my mother had helped my brother setup his business, do his accounting and is on his board of directors.....nice family. So once again I spiraled downward into depression, hatred, rage...as the revenue depleted but the debt to earn those accounts diminished much slower.....the poems kept pouring out...some hateful, some spiritual as I was going through Hell on earth.....soon we lost the staff, the office building and liquidated all of our stuff to pay off the bills we could....all I wanted to do was take naps to avoid the depressed and betrayed feelings....and the poems kept coming..... I worked the hardest with my relationship with God and through all of this, I have learned and cherish the adventure as it has made me a stronger person and Fearless in Faith! The kids have slowly come back to my life. My oldest I saw for the 1st time in 6 years in January of this year. He wants a relationship, but is afraid, so this will take time. My daughter still blames me for ruining her life. My youngest, Doran is close to me and told me that I was not to blame, I was a good Dad to him. I thank you all from the bottom of my heart and am honored that God has given me HIS favor to get these poetic words and meaning so that it might help others in the world. David Wensloff